You Have A Dark Side!

If you asked my friends to describe me, they’d probably say, “oh Debbie is a nice person. She’s so easy to get along with”. Well, that was only the tip of the iceberg. There was much more to me than what was above the surface. What more could there be? You might ask, well, let me tell you about my dark side…

At my 40th birthday party years ago, I told my husband that I wanted a specific friend of mine to give a speech, because if there was anyone that would humorously tell the truth about me, it would be him. 

The evening was going just as planned as I was having a great time socializing with family and reconnecting with old friends. Then the time finally came for the speeches. My sister started off strong with a creative acrostic of my name - showing how funny and brave I was. Secondly, my Pastor gave a heartfelt speech which shared the growth that he saw in my life, and how proud he was of the woman I became. Then my neighbour sang a beautiful rendition of,  “since I met you Debbie, my whole life has changed.” I was overwhelmed with emotion when hearing the kind words of my friends and family. “Wow Debbie, this is a good testament of your life” the MC said, “everybody saying the same thing about you”. Well, not everyone. 

Then it was my friend’s turn. As soon as he got up, took the mic and started talking, the entire place erupted with laughter. It felt more like a stand-up comedy show than my birthday celebration - he certainly has a way with crowds. Halfway into his speech he said," Debbie, everyone came up here saying what a wonderful person you are since no one was bold enough to talk about the real Debbie”. That’s when he turned to me and said, “let’s be honest, don’t you have a dark side?” I bowed my head in playful embarrassment. Oh my gosh, did he just say that? Me? Have a dark side? No way! 

His speech came to an end, and I gave him a big hug of appreciation and gratitude. Although he made the evening jovial and shared many humorous stories about me, he was correct - I did have a dark side. A dark side that thankfully God delivered me from - allowing me to see how great and merciful He is towards me. A dark side that allowed me to appreciate Psalms 103:10, which reads, “He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.” 

As I’ve shared in past posts, my teenage and early adult years were riddled with a life of sin and rebellion against God - a lifestyle that never in my wildest dream did I think I could be forgiven of. Thankfully, I eventually confessed all my faults before God and grew to accept His forgiveness, but I didn’t want to stop there. I felt God was nudging me to seek out those I sinned against and ask for their forgiveness - so that’s what I did. About 20 years ago, I felt burdened to ask my dad to forgive me for something I did years ago, and although I was not looking forward to that conversation, it was one I knew God was preparing me to have. My dad had seen the changes God had brought about in my life, so why did I need to speak to him, and why was it so difficult for me to do so? This was nothing more than fear that I needed to overcome. 

I was confident that God changed me and I was no longer the person I used to be, so with God’s help, I made the call. I was not about to beat around the bush so I went straight to the point. “Daddy, I need to ask for your forgiveness for something I did as a teenager”, I said, my voice shaking, “there was a time I walked into your room while you were laying on the bed, I assumed you were asleep, so I checked your pants pocket looking for whatever money I could get. Once I found it, I took it.” Stealing from my dad became a regular practice of mine until he no longer kept his change in his pocket.  He then replied, “Debbie, I remember this like it was yesterday. That evening when you came into the room, I was not sleeping.” My heart skipped a beat. He wasn’t sleeping? Did he know all along? He later admitted to seeing me search through his pants pocket, and soon realized I was the one responsible for the missing change. 

He then mentioned how happy he was for my confession, as he knows that is not the person I am today - I am changed. I was so overjoyed to hear those words leave my father’s lips, as I was fearful of any potential repercussions of my past actions. As I hung up the phone that evening, a few thoughts ran through my mind. Firstly, I was so thankful that I was able to speak with him and release myself from that burden of my past. I truly felt the weight lifted off my shoulders. Secondly, I was amazed at his vivid memories of me stealing from him. Memories I never knew he had since I thought he was always asleep. That evening, we both were set free - me from my past, and him from holding on to my past. My dark side was now brought to the light. 

Reflecting on my dark days caused me to realize that there are so many people living their lives burdened down by the guilt and shame of their past. I encourage you to release yourself from that burden and carry it no more. Despite how shameful your actions might have been, know that God’s grace and mercy is great. He is able to forgive you and make you new - that’s the beauty of His love.

My question to you is, “what’s your dark side?” What is that one thing you did that the devil keeps harassing you about every time you try to move forward? What is that one thing you feel is too dark for God to forgive and cleanse you from? Don’t let guilt and shame prevent you from experiencing the true freedom there is in Christ. The bible tells us in James 5:16 16: Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. Confess your sin before God and before the one you offended. He is faithful to fulfill His promise of healing you of the hurt, guilt and shame you’ve been carrying all these years. Trust me my friends, God wants to set you free. Don’t allow the deeds of your past to eat away at you.  Don’t let fear keep you from experiencing the joy of reconciling with those you’ve hurt or who’ve hurt you. Don’t let those dark days prevent you from walking in the light of Christ’s freedom. 

I was sharing my testimony with a coworker a few years ago, when she stopped me by saying, “Deb, don't say those awful things about yourself.” To which I replied “the person you are seeing now, is someone who has been transformed by the power of God.” It brought me such joy to say those words and testify of God’s goodness in my life. And let me tell you something - He's still working on me.