Where Would I Be?

I received messages from a few of my supporters, inquiring about my whereabouts and inactivity these past weeks. Thanks for reaching out, I greatly appreciate it! For those wondering where I’ve been or why I haven’t been posting, wonder no longer, I’m here to spill the tea! For the last forty days, I decided to take a break from writing and posting in order to spend more time with the Lord. I was debating whether or not I wanted to continue blogging, as I thought I’d written everything about my life. What more could I possibly say? Then I heard a gentle whisper ask, “did I tell you to stop?” Well, there was my answer loud and clear!

I wrote about three blogs during those forty days but never felt compelled to share them - at least not yet. Then one morning as I rolled over in bed, these word were playing in my head:

Where would I be

Where would I be

If it wasn't for the love of God

This song of victory is

Now mine to sing

Hallelujah for the love of God

Has set me free

After waking up and completing my morning routine, I sat with my computer and googled the words to the song. After a few moments of searching, there it was - For the Love of God by Andrew Ripp. I’ve heard it played several times on the radio but never gave it much thought until that morning. As I sat there, I felt that was a message the Lord was sending me. Show me where I would be without You Lord, I quietly prayed.

That morning, God reminded me of my church’s beach picnic I attended as a teenager. My friends were swimming, and wanting to join in the fun, I decided to jump off the jetty in order to participate in the festivities. Unaware of the extremely shallow water, I jumped straight in and awkwardly landed. I suddenly felt an electric surge run up my spine to my neck. I knew it didn't feel right, but I played it off as nothing happened. As I was reminiscing, I vividly remembered the spot at the beach where it occurred. That’s when I heard the Lord whisper, “Although you were oblivious to what happened, it was I who kept you from becoming paralyzed. My eyes were on you. Your life could have changed for the worse that very day.” As I heard those words, goosebumps ran over my body. I had an X-ray done a few years ago, and the doctor noticed a few of the discs in my spine weren’t straight. I told her nothing happened, since I completely forgot about the beach incident decades ago. Not long after, I remembered a family friend lost his life because he fell, became paralyzed and never recovered. I am grateful to God because He was present even when I was unaware. Where would I have been if it wasn’t for His love?

I remembered one day while ironing my clothes for school, my mom entered the room and started belittling and verbally abusing me. While she was saying those things, a voice kept telling me to burn her with the iron. I stood there, passing the iron over the same spot - contemplating the idea. Just then, a picture of the prison came to mind. “That’s where you’ll end up if you choose violence,” I thought. That morning, I felt the Lord was telling me He’s the One who prevented me from burning my mom that day. He’s the One who showed the potential consequence of my action. He’s the one who saved me from a life of imprisonment. Where would I have been if it wasn’t for His love?

In 2006, while driving one of my daughters back to school from an appointment; I had so much on my mind I didn’t realise the road ahead was icy. I ended up losing control of the car, and spun into a field. I remember glancing at my daughter and seeing the fear in her eyes. Thankfully, there was a soft snowback that lessened our impact, and we eventually stopped between two utility poles. Prior to the accident, I noticed a white pickup truck driving behind us, and every turn I made, they made the same turn. I started feeling uneasy since we were the only two vehicles on the road at the time; however, when we hit the icy path and ran off the road, the driver stopped and called out to see if we were alright - thankfully, we were. What came next absolutely blew my mind! The driver appeared at the window and I told him I forgot my phone at home and needed to call my husband. As I walked towards him, he handed me his phone, which was an exact replica of my own phone, which I left at home. I was convinced that the driver was an angel sent by God to assist that day. I believed the Lord was showing me how much He cared about us, and that He was watching out for us during that icy ordeal. He was the One who prevented my car from hitting the poles. He was the One who ensured the snow was soft and not frozen. He was the One who allowed my daughter and I to walk away without a scratch or a worst injury. Where would I have been if it wasn’t for His love?

“God, is there anything else you’d like to show me?” I prayed; however, He was silent. I kept those incidents in mind and thanked Him for being there throughout my life. Then about three weeks later (on June 13th) I received a text from my dad. He told me for the last two days he was thinking about my son’s 24th birthday, and how his third child was born when he (my dad) was 24 years old. Shortly after that, my mother became pregnant with me. When my mother went to the doctor, she mentioned she might miscarry me, because she was having children in such a short time frame. “When you were born, the doctor was surprised to see how powerful and healthy you were,” my dad said in his message. I really didn’t know how to respond, so I sent a crying emoji. Then after a few minutes, I said, “Dad, it is really good to know a bit of my past”, since up until that point, I knew nothing about the circumstances surrounding my birth. I felt so encouraged. Even in my mother’s womb, God was looking after me.

As I sit here writing, the scripture that comes to mind is from Jeremiah 1:4-5:

The Lord gave me this message. I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”

Lord, you kept me safe and didn't let me miscarry. Anytime I feel I don’t belong, please remind me that I belong to you. Thank you for being with me all these years.

After I finished putting my final thoughts to words for this post, I heard the song Something Better by Blanca playing in the background:

It's been a couple years I've been on my own

Now I know that I'm not alone

You've given me a reason to carry on, to carry on, yeah, yeah

Yeah, everything is different now-a-days

I lost a few ones along the way

I had to learn to trust it'll be okay, it'll be okay

I don't know how, but you take all my pain

And you turn it into something better

Ooh, something better

There's not a tear that you let go to waste

No, you turn it into something better

Ooh, something better

After reminiscing on all those incidents, and seeing how God kept, preserved and love me, I had nothing to say except…

Where would I Be,

Where Would I Be,

If I Wasn’t For The Love Of God?