What's done in the dark... (Pt.2)

In part one of this series, I started sharing my dear friend’s journey to healing and restoration after her abortion. Although she asked for God’s forgiveness, she lived with unbearable guilt and shame, constantly dwelling on her sin and questioning her standing before God. It ate away at her core. The insurmountable burden got too heavy - too much for one soul to bear - that one day she cried out to God in prayer, and as any loving Father would do, God reassured her that her sins were forgiven. She would be reunited with her son in heaven one day. That I would be reunited with my son in heaven one day.

Yes, the dear friend in my story is me. Although I was hesitant at first, I wanted to obey the voice of God and share my story, in hopes that it would encourage someone who has a similar experience, or maybe you’re experiencing it right now as you read. My journey hasn’t been easy. It has been a journey filled with sleepless nights, tear-drenched pillows and painful pruning; a journey that has ultimately led to my freedom. I am not ashamed of my past, nor will I shy away from sharing the very thing that God has delivered me from - my sin. I think of the people in the bible who were broken and sinful, yet God used their brokenness for His glory. God can make purpose out of our pain. Although He is holy and does not condone sin, He can still make beauty from our brokenness, if we allow Him.

I have shared my story, but what about you? What is that one thing you did, that you haven’t confessed to anyone or God, and it’s eating away at your core? You fail to disclose the truth out of fear of judgment and criticism. You fear the embarrassment and shame that may result in bringing your sin to the light. May I remind you of the story of the woman caught in the act of adultery? Those who found her, took her straight to Jesus - an act of judgement and condemnation. She must have been naked, embarrassed, and ashamed. The public humiliation too much for her feeble body to bear. In those times, the law of Moses required such a person to be stoned to death. Death. The wage for her sin was death. But Jesus did something unusual, something unordinary. Instead of commanding those around her to pick up stones, he instructed the ones without sin to throw the first stone. No one could. As her accusers left one by one, powerless, Jesus does not condemn the woman, but instructs her to sin no more. The beauty in this story is not only the grace Christ shows to this sinful woman, but also the freedom she received as her sin was brought to the light. If she wasn’t openly humiliated by her accusers, would she have known there is no condemnation in her saviour? Would she have been set free from her life of adultery if her sin wasn’t brought to Jesus? Confession precedes cleansing. We often fear the humiliation that disclosing our sin might bring, but as painful as the process may be, it will lead to your freedom. Your accusers may condemn and judge you, but your Advocate says you are not condemned.

I know what it's like to live with guilt and shame, but I also know what it’s like to confess my sin and experience freedom where I thought I’d always be bound. We live in a world where many are living with unconfessed sins, not knowing that their very sin is keeping them bound and away from experiencing liberation. Let’s not forget the biblical truth, that if we confess our sins, Christ is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Confession precedes cleansing. There are spouses who are addicted to pornography, and it’s destroying their marriages; children who are attracted to the same sex; fellow brethren who sow discord and slander others. Dear friends, you don’t have to struggle on your own. It is time to bring your sin to the light. Jesus said you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. When we live in truth, we will walk in freedom. Don’t allow the lies of your sin to rob you of your joy, and keep you from a life of fellowship with God and others. Lay that sin at his feet, for He has already bore the weight of your sin. You don’t have to.

As you read this, you may have an identical story to mine. You may be putting up a front, deceiving yourself into thinking everything is fine. Don’t fall into that trap. You may become like me, and become angry with the people in your life, not knowing you aren’t truly angry at those individuals, but at yourself. I encourage you to surrender that part of your life to the Lord, He is waiting to heal you of your brokenness. Don’t feel like you’re alone, there are trustworthy Pastors, Christian Counsellors and Educated Psychologists that God can use to help bring wholeness. You are not alone.

Thinking back to Melissa’s journey, up until the time I heard her story, I never questioned whether my son could have survived the abortion. I never heard of abortion survivors. It was a new concept to me. On of my daughter asked me what I would do, if I discovered my son was still alive somewhere. That question caught me off guard. As uncomfortable as it was, it got me thinking. If my son, like Melissa, had survived the abortion, would I want to meet him? Would he forgive me like Melissa forgave her mother? Would I want to build a relationship with him? I’ll tell you one thing, that question had me tongue-tied. I said to my daughter, I don’t know. After 32 years, what would I say to him? But I’ll tell you what I did, I asked God to convey a message to him, to my son. I know it may seem foolish to you, but it was certainly a freeing experience. I wanted him to know, I was sorry I didn't give him the opportunity to experience life. I was sorry he never got the chance to be a part of our family. I was sorry that in my selfishness, I didn’t see his life as valuable. Although I may never hear the words, “I forgive you” from my son, I hear those words everyday from my Father. "I am forgiven."