What's done in the dark... (Pt.1)

One morning while driving, I was listening to one of my favorite Christian programs on the radio - Focus on the Family. I’m fairly acquainted with most of their content; however, the program got my attention that day, a program I wasn’t expecting, a program discussing abortion. The guest that morning was Melissa Ohden, a survivor of a failed saline abortion. That particular morning she was sharing her story about the power of love and forgiveness. Melissa was rescued by a hospital nurse and later adopted by a family member who treated her with love. She always felt a part of the family and never questioned her belonging, but that soon changed. When Melissa found out her sister was pregnant and considering an abortion, she encouraged her to place the baby up for adoption, but to her surprise, her sister replied, “at least I know my parents wanted me.” The truth was finally out, and it was also the beginning of Melissa’s journey to freedom and reconciliation. I was totally captivated by Melissa’s boldness, transparency and strength, which caused me to think about a dear friend who had an abortion over 30 years ago. 

This is her story:

As a teenager, my friend met a handsome guy. It was “love at first sight” as they say, but what appeared as love, quickly turned into passionate lust, which resulted in her getting pregnant at the age of 21. What was she supposed to do? Knowing her family’s religious background, her initial response was fear. How could she tell her parents she was pregnant out of wedlock? How would the members of her church react? She was burdened with shame and guilt. She needed a solution, and she needed one quick. 

It was time to break the news to her boyfriend. How would he react? Would he want to keep the baby? Would he blame her for all of this? She was plagued with so many unanswered questions, so much uncertainty, but she wanted him to be informed. One afternoon as they sat together eating, she told him she was pregnant. He was in complete disbelief. Utter shock. After a few more conversations - with tears in his eyes - he told her whatever she decided to do, he would support her decision. She decided an abortion was her best choice. She didn’t want to face her family and friends with the truth. She feared judgement, ostracism and embarrassment. Within a couple of weeks, she went to see a doctor, who recommended another doctor. On the first visit, a date was set for the abortion. During that time, she was extremely nervous and didn’t know what to expect. She spent most of her time at work, slaving away in order to keep her mind busy. She didn’t interact with her family and friends. The less interaction with others, lessened the chance of anyone discovering her secret. She suffered in silence.  

The day of the abortion came, and she was almost emotionless. Was it fear? Was it regret? She didn’t know what to think. Her parents were still unaware of her current reality as she was prepped, and wheeled away into the surgical room. She couldn’t remember how long the procedure took, but she was certain of one thing - it was done. She went home that day with little emotion. She had a few cramps, popped a couple painkillers, and everything seemed normal. She wanted things to go back to normal. The following day, she went back to work, trying her best to leave the past behind her and move forward with her life. No one knew about her secret, not even her parents. She did everything possible to keep it from them, but in keeping it buried inside, she had to deal with the pain on her own. She was burdened, alone and confused. 

About a year later, the young couple got married. They tried to suppress their past and move on with their lives together; however, trying to move forward with such baggage results in little to no progress. The first few years into their marriage were extremely difficult. She was filled with distrust, jealousy, anger, remorse and resentment toward her husband, which put a strain on their marriage - ultimately resulting in infidelity. They argued, and blamed each other, yet neither of them knew the root cause of their marital breakdown. Although they both attended church, neither of them had a relationship with God. That was the first issue. About a year into their marriage, her husband received an invitation to visit a nearby church. Although she didn’t want to go initially, she accepted the offer, not knowing that a simple invitation would be the start of something new in her life, in both their lives. 

Some may call it coincidence, but it was God’s providence that sent that young couple to that church, knowing they would receive the necessary help within its four walls. They started attending regularly, and subsequently became members. Although she had great church involvement, she was not fully surrendered to God, until he began transforming her life a few years later. That transformation was evident. Over the years, she developed a great relationship with the Pastor, and began opening up to him by sharing parts of her past. After many engaging and heart-felt conversations, her pastor picked up how broken and burdened she was, and he wanted to help. Thank God for wise and discerning Pastors who care about God’s people. A few weeks later, he set up a meeting and gave her a questionnaire to complete. Although this assignment was painful, it allowed her to revisit and dissect her past - discovering things about herself she never knew and understood. As she began to read through the form, she stopped at question three. “Have you ever had an abortion?”  Fear rushed over her like a hot flash. She felt scared. Abortion? She tried her best to bury that dark secret and never let it see the light of day. She couldn’t let her Pastor know she had an abortion. What would he think of her? She had kept that part of her life a secret for 6 years, but now it was coming to the light. It was a painful experience, like taking off a band-aid and caring for a wound that hasn’t healed. You know the wound needs to be exposed in order to heal, but it’s never an easy process. 

There was only one thing to do, be straightforward with her Pastor, and that’s exactly what she did. “I can’t answer number three,” she said. To her surprise, he encouraged her to answer it, and reassured her he was not there to cast judgement. Although it was hard to believe that anyone wouldn’t cast judgement on her decision - she believed him. He asked if she had confessed her sin to God and asked for his forgiveness. Forgiveness? What was there to be forgiven, she had done the right thing - hadn’t she? There was never a confession or a plea for God’s forgiveness. She had buried her secret and never gave it any thought. 

As months passed, she continued opening up to the Pastor and his wife about her past. They informed her that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ, and assured her of God’s unconditional love. In the end, she confessed her sins to God, including the abortion. She accepted God’s forgiveness, which led to her freedom. Her sins were covered under the blood of Christ, but that didn’t stop her from falling victim to the vicious cycle of regret. Although she asked for God’s forgiveness, she still lived with guilt and shame for many years, until one day…

To be continued...