Walking In Forgiveness

“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

There were many times I prayed, asking God’s forgiveness for sins I committed against Him; however, I was very reluctant to forgive those who sinned against me. Was my prayer in vain? How could I expect God to forgive me when I was choosing not to forgive? I was asking God to do for me, what I was unwilling to do for others. How hypocritical.

Today’s post is especially addressed to married couples, but also extends to any relationship. Maybe you’ve been hurt by your spouse and can’t seem to let go of unforgiveness, even though it’s destroying your marriage. It might be that everytime you remember what was done to you, it causes unrelenting bitterness, which results in attacking the individual. Been there, done that.

I’m choosing to share my past state of unforgiveness in hopes that it would deter you from making the same mistake I did. I was burdened from various things that happened throughout my life, and instead of confronting the individuals, I stored away the hurt in the cupboard of my heart. Unfortunately, I did not realize my unforgiveness was birthing bitterness and resentment within. My attitude was saying, how dare you do something like that and expect a “quick” pardon”. Was I ever condemning in my thinking! I saw the speck in the eyes of others, but failed to acknowledge the plank in my own eyes. How prideful of me.

While reading the book Healing for Damaged Emotion by David A. Seamands, I realized how unforgiveness was affecting the way I related to my family members, and sadly, the person who got the brunt of it was my husband. Unfortunately, he was paying for the hurt caused by others, and I often questioned why he deserved forgiveness whenever he did something wrong. I battled with such thoughts, and knew they definitely weren’t from the Spirit of God. Did I truly believe the Lord’s Prayer, or was I just rattling a bunch of empty words in hopes that my religiosity would somehow make me righteous? I had recited, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”, but those words meant nothing to me. I wanted forgiveness but I didn’t want to forgive. So there I was, holding on to my unforgiveness as though somehow it would bring me healing. Wrong! As married women, or women in general, we have a tendency of staying angry or distancing ourselves from the one who hurt us. I grew up seeing that kind of behavior, so as a married woman, that was the same behavior I displayed.

Well let me tell you, that behavior was getting me absolutely nowhere. Although I stated that I had forgiven my husband, my actions and behavior contradicted my claim. My lips were saying one thing while my heart said another. I often questioned whether I should forgive my husband. I needed something to hold over his head; something to make him feel guilty and make me feel better about myself. Did he deserve my forgiveness? Did he even deserve forgiveness at all? See, the beautiful thing about forgiveness is that it isn’t earned, but willfully given. We didn’t earn God’s forgiveness, He willfully gave it out of love. We were still sinners when He chose to send His only son to die for our sins. We were still His enemies when He chose to demonstrate the greatest act of love toward humankind. That’s grace. So who was I to think I was greater than God in not forgiving my enemies? If He chose to do it, I should too.

One of the reasons why there are so many divorces in marriages today, no one wants to forgive. Everyone thinks he/she is right.

I had to ask myself, do I want to keep withholding forgiveness from my husband, which is only hurting me, or do I want to be free and receive God’s forgiveness? Because you see, when forgiveness was absent, I had stopped doing the things I did before. I stopped kissing him goodbye, I was very silent at home - which to him was a good thing lol - plus I had my back turned to him as we slept. My carnal behavior certainly weren’t honouring God. But luckily, that was the old Debbie. I wanted to honour God above all, and that meant forgiving my husband. Today, we are more in love with each other, than at the beginning of our marriage. Thankfully, we are celebrating our 34th wedding anniversary this year! Praise God!

Friends, this Christian life is a process of continual sanctification. As we go deeper in God, His spirit will convict us of behavior, habits and attitudes so we may confess and repent of them. The question is, Are you willing to go deeper in your walk with Christ?