TALK ABOUT BEING FREE!!!

In my last post, I shared my encounter with Christ that sparked my transformation. This new experience was like walking on a cloud – I hadn’t felt the joy of being in a genuine relationship with Christ and choosing to follow Him daily. It was so exhilarating! As I grew spiritually, I realized certain negative habits and fleshly behaviors started to decrease. It was like magic! But we know magic couldn’t have done such a work in my life; this can only be credited to the powerful working of the Holy Spirit.

One unhealthy habit God delivered me from was my love for Soap Operas. They were alluring. They were consuming. I was addicted. I was drawn to the suspenseful story-line and dramatic love affairs that gave me an emotional high, and once I got my fill, there was no time for my other commitments - for my important commitments such as bible study and prayer. Eventually, my desire for Soaps decreased to the point where I had absolutely no appetite to watch their dramatic love affairs that left me in suspense. My appetite was for something else, for someone else. I had a new hunger for Christ, and boy was He satisfying. Although certain attitudes and behaviors started to fade, there were still feelings of shame and guilt that lingered, which left me feeling depressed. I was a Christian; how could I be depressed? They say Christ brings freedom but I still felt bound. Why?

While having a conversation with my pastor a year later, I realized I was carrying issues from my past that prevented me from experiencing complete freedom in Christ. Yes, I was free, but I remained a prisoner to my thoughts. So, was I truly free? For the first time in my life I had to wrestle with the fact that my guilt and shame were the result of being sexually abused at a very young age. My mind was flooded with many questions.

Was that the reason why my life was so messed up?

Was that why I had such difficulty focusing in school?

Was that why I didn’t trust the guys I was in relationship with?

Was that why I was so flirtatious towards the opposite sex?

Was that why I became so angry with my husband even when he did nothing wrong?

Was that why I did things to get attention from others?

I was carrying what seemed like a mountain of hurt that left me angry and bitter. I began to understand why as a young girl, I had such resentment towards the opposite sex, which led me to do wicked and regrettable things. I was frustrated. I never knew that dark moment from my past had such a negative effect on my life as a teenager and young adult. But thank God it doesn’t end there, for He can take our painful past and use it for His glory. He makes beauty out of our burdens.

I thank God for a pastor who was educated and experienced in the area of inner healing. As I reflect on my life and personal healing process, I think of the men and women who have been sexually abused and find it difficult to bring to the light. I do understand why……. But don’t carry this burden alone, lay it at the foot of the cross. I encourage you to talk to a trusted friend or pastor and seek help because there is hope and freedom awaiting you ..........hope and freedom in Christ.