Mystery Man Mayhem

While driving some time last year, I was meditating on the statement, “God will test us, however, the devil will turn the test into a temptation in order to bring us down.” I continued pondering on it as I drove, and even tried to think of when a situation such a this might have occurred - that’s when I was reminded of a time when I was faced with a test, and I failed; a test I was supposed to pass, a test I had the ability to pass, but a test that I did not pass. What was this test? You might ask, well here’s how the story goes…

As a teenager I was extremely flirtatious. I was often unaware of my flirtatious ways; however, it had become a part of my lifestyle - more like my trademark. Once I began walking with Christ, old things passed away, but it was still my duty to guard those weak areas in my life and continually ask God to sanctify me of my old, fleshly ways. Since I was no longer tempted in that area, I believed I had overcome it - well, I was very wrong! I quickly realized how easy it is to fall into sin if we are not watchful, and I was truly humbled from my experience.

In 2005 I was preparing for a trip to New York City, which I was looking forward to. I was so excited to see my parents and siblings. The night of my departure finally came and my husband dropped me off at the bus terminal. Everything was going smoothly; we crossed the border with no issues and I settled down for the 8 hour bus ride to The Big Apple. A few hours into the journey, the bus parked in Buffalo and there was a quick change of drivers. As the new driver got on, I lifted up my head to see who it was, and found myself staring at him because he looked so much like the rapper Ice Cube! As he looked my way, I quickly turned my head in embarrassment. We hit the road again, and about two hours later, we had our first stop. The driver made an announcement that it was a 45 minute stop and smoking was not permitted on the bus. Everyone exited the bus for bathroom breaks and food purchases in order to prepare for the long journey ahead. The time limit finally came to an end and the driver announced the bus would be leaving shortly. As I got to my seat, I noticed a few passengers were outside smoking and as the driver went around collecting tickets, he noticed them and seemed upset. As he came around and took my ticket, I said to him, “well you did tell them to stay outside and smoke”, he smiled and continued down the aisle.

Once the bus arrived at the NYC terminal, I exited and headed outside to wait for my sister. Since she wasn’t there, I made my way to the bathroom with the hopes that she’ll arrive once I got out. While in the bathroom, the Lord whispered, the driver is outside looking for you. Outside looking for me? The thought came to prolong my bathroom duties in order to ward off an unwanted encounter, but what did I do instead? - I stepped out of my toilet paper fortress. He spotted me and started walking towards my direction. “I came out with the intent to find you,” he said, “there’s something different about you and I was trying to figure out what it was; I saw your bag which said Daughter of the King. You’re a Christian, aren’t you?” “Yes, I am,” I replied. “I can tell,” he said, “I am too.” He then said, “I must confess, I was laughing at you during the trip. I saw you nodding while sleeping,” and we both laughed it off as we went our separate ways. Not too long after, my sister came; we shared our hugs and kisses, and spoke about my trip - including my encounter with the driver. We both laughed as we headed to the train. He was watching me while I slept?...

My weekend flew by; it was filled with joy, laughter and many reunions with old church friends. Before I knew it, Sunday evening came and it was time for my 10 hour trip back home. As my sister and I made our way to the terminal, guess who I saw standing there? That’s right, the same driver. I couldn’t believe it! I’d traveled to New York on several occasions and having the same driving twice was a rare and almost impossible occurrence. “That’s the same driver,” I whispered to my sister as I stood in line. As he came around to collect the tickets, my sister said to him, “please take care of my sister on her way back,” and he replied “yes ma'am, I will.” I didn’t give the encounter much thought, and I quickly boarded the bus and sat in the same seat from my previous trip - matter of fact, he reserved the seat for me. Interesting… We started chatting a few minutes into the trip as he wanted to know how my trip went along with my reason for travelling. We engaged in small talk for a bit, then it started to get dark outside and our conversation ended. Three hours later, we stopped for another break, I exited the bus, went to the bathroom, grabbed something to eat then returned to my seat. We didn’t speak for the rest of the trip and once the bus parked in Buffalo, a new driver got on and off he disappeared into the dark night.

I got home the next day and my detective senses were tingling. I was curious to find out who this mystery man was. What’s the harm in doing a little digging? I’d never see him again, right? Wrong! I called customer service the next day to leave a “good review,” and mentioned the time of boarding to the lady on the other end of the phone. After a few minutes and a couple of keyboard clicks, I had a name! Although my investigation was a success, I wasn’t at peace. Why am I going through such great lengths to get to know this mysterious man? As I reflected on my behaviour, I was overwhelmed by a wave of guilt and shame. I am a married woman, what am I doing? I had so many regrets. I was wooed by this man’s charm and now I was constantly thinking about him. Instead of taking those thoughts captive, I yielded to my sinful, fleshly desires and now I had opened an area of my life that should’ve only been reserved for my husband. The unfortunate reality was that I wanted to see him again. Yikes…

Months later, I was asked to speak at my sister’s church in New York which was a common occurrence. My husband was not up for traveling, so I was off to another solo trip across the border. I packed my bags and was soon off to my beloved aboard. As I sat on the bus that night, the word compromise kept ringing in my ears but I casually brushed it off. As I look back, God was definitely warning me about compromising, but I never gave it much thought. I got to NYC no problem, but coming back, coming back was a different story…

As my sister and I got to the bus platform that night, I looked to see if the bus had arrived, and guess who was standing at the gate? Yes that’s right, it was him. I could not believe my eyes. Having the same driver twice was uncommon, but having the same driver three times was no coincidence. This must be a test. I boarded the bus, and sat at my usual seat. We both laughed at the fact we were in this predicament for the third time. A few hours in, the bus stopped and I was back to my usual routine; exited the bus, used the washroom, purchased something to eat then returned to my seat; however, this time, something was different. While I returned to my seat, the bus driver was heading my way! My heart began to race. Is he really coming here? “So what brings you to New York again?” he asked. We engaged in small talk and this time we both exchanged names - even though I secretly already knew his - and later exchanged email addresses. A few minutes later it was time to hit the road again and he returned to his usual post. I was completely silent for the duration of the trip and once the bus arrived in Buffalo, as usual, he exited and a new driver came on. I looked on as he walked away - he looked my way, nodded and smiled and disappeared into the dark night.

There was no Facebook back then, so I added him to my MSN contacts. We chatted for a couple days and eventually exchanged phone numbers. Our first few conversations were about our family and personal lives as he disclosed what life was like as a bus driver. I later discovered he was adopted and that his family owned a funeral home. The more we spoke the more I looked forward to speaking with him. Our conversations were usually filled with much laughter as he often shared about his unique encounters with customers. This is okay, right? I quickly brushed off those thoughts - of course it’s okay. After all, we’re just engaging in friendly banter, it’s not like I’m being physical with him. He was just someone I enjoyed talking to and someone who carefully listened to what I had to say.

Our “friendly banter” continued on for a week, but I started feeling uneasy. I didn’t like the idea of chatting with a man without my husband knowing, so after a week of speaking with him, I decided to talk to my husband about it. After weeks of rehashing the events with my husband, one day he looked me straight in the eye and said, “Debbie, you are in love with this guy?” In love? I’m not in love with him. I may never see him again, how can I be in love with him? That morning while the kids were sound asleep, we sat in our bedroom and prayed and cried together after realizing we allowed our marriage to break down to the point where someone else was making me laugh. How did I allow myself to get to this point? I was utterly devastated.

A couple days later, I decided to discuss the matter with my pastor’s wife, then my pastor after. I selectively shared some of the things that occurred as I was too embarrassed and ashamed to disclose everything. A few weeks later during our evening service, our pastor's wife said something during her preaching that caused me to run to the altar in repentance. “Some of you are not being honest! You give half truths and think that’s being truthful. You are lying and need to repent!” If nobody else received anything that night, I surely did. God spoke to me loud and clear and I realized I had to change my ways.

The next day, I called the mystery man and admitted my wrong. I told him we can no longer call or message each other as I wanted to honour my husband and most importantly, honour God. He didn’t think we were doing anything wrong and even insisted that we remain friends. Yeah, that’s not happening. I quickly declined and hung up the phone. I felt relieved as my weight was finally laid to rest at the cross and eventually deleted all his contact information. I have to be honest, I did miss the laughter and funny moments we shared, but I realized he was just a substitute for what I was missing in my own marriage - a behavior God was displeased with.

For weeks I beat up on myself. I cried, I repented, I cried, I repented. I felt like an absolute failure. Then one day the words, “hating myself does not make God love me more, it makes it difficult for me to see His great love” rang loud and clear in my ears. I had to accept that I had fallen, but I also had to accept that God’s mercy was extended to me and I was forgiven. I started meditating on the passage from Job 31:1 which said, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman. I changed the words slightly and ever so often, I’d pray, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young man.

I made a vow to myself to guard my mind and heart so I wouldn’t dishonor God and my husband in this way again. Guard your hearts, dear friends. Surrender every part of your lives - especially those areas where you are weak. Ask God to prune out those sinful, fleshly desires that want to dominate your thoughts, attitude and behaviour. You may not have a mystery man, but there may be an area in your life that is causing you to continuously stumble and fall. Whatever it is, cut it off. Better we enter the kingdom of heaven maimed, then have all our members and remain bound by sin.

A TRUTHFUL JOURNEY