Mom, I forgive you…

My heart grieves when parents hurt their children and refuse to humble themselves, apologize and ask for forgiveness. On the other hand, these same parents will reprimand their child for refusing to say sorry to them, a sibling or authority figure. What a double standard. We often fail to remember our children will become adults one day and remember how unfairly they were treated.

A few years ago, I met an elderly lady at the mall and we started a conversation. She was currently living at a seniors residence and rarely saw her adult children or grandchildren. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her as she spoke with such pain in her eyes and a heavy heart. Later that night, I shared that conversation with my husband, and he wondered what kind of mother she was that her adult children did not want to visit their elderly mother. What kind of mother was she? That was definitely a thought-provoking perspective.

In my 53 years on this earth, I’ve seen many things that grieved my heart. I’ve seen children beaten physically to the point where their hands began to bleed. I’ve seen a mother pick up a tree branch and beat her daughter, I’ve seen children get slapped across their face for saying something wrong. I’ve heard parents call their children stupid, dumb, wayward, and that they will never amount to anything. I’ve even heard of a mother who told her daughter all she’ll do is walk the streets. Do parents fail to realize their actions and words have great effects on their children’s wellbeing? Under such circumstances, it’s unfortunate yet unsurprising that some children grow up with low self-esteem, and move away from home the first chance they get. My question is why? What evil can a child do to deserve such abuse? How much hatred can one have for their own child? As parents, we will have to give God an account for how we treated the children He entrusted to us.

I had to learn how to become a nurturing mother and how to lovingly treat my children. It certainly wasn’t easy. In the first few years of motherhood, I failed miserably. I mistreated my first daughter by resorting to physical punishment for just about anything she did wrong. Even some of the smallest things.

I remember feeling guilty for my disciplinary practices, but that was all I knew and saw as a child. When our second daughter was born, it was around the same time God began to transform my life. So fortunately, things were a bit different, but not entirely. One night, I decided to get out of my comfort zone and ask my children,“what am I doing wrong as a mother, and what am I doing right?’ Well, they were certainly eager to inform me on what I was doing wrong! There was a long list of what I was doing that was hurting them, and as difficult as it was to listen, I had to humble myself and allow them to express how they felt about my disciplinary methods. This was definitely the beginning of reparation between myself and my daughters.

What was different you might ask, well, this time my husband was a part of the disciplining, and we spent a lot of time using God’s words to discipline our children ‘OUT OF LOVE’ . Yes, I slipped up on many occasions; however, as difficult as it was, I asked for their forgiveness.

One of the things that helped greatly, was our church provided parenting seminars and books, and as a family we looked at videos teachings on family issues. My husband and I were bent on changing the way we disciplined them.

Although both our daughters are adults now, as recent as three weeks ago we still ask them how are we doing as parents. I can tell you, it was amazing to hear our daughters say, “ Mom you have changed, and have come a long way.” Thankfully, even my husband tells me I’m doing a great job with our kids. Praise God! :)

I love our children dearly, and I feel great joy to hear them say, “Mom I forgive you, or you’re a great mom, or thank you for setting a godly example for us. ” I can only give God the glory for doing such a work in me. My desire is that when they have their own children, they will raise them up in the fear of God. One of these days I’ll stand before God, and give him account of the 3 talents he gave me, (Samantha, Cassandra and Anthony). The question I must ask myself is, how did I invest in the lives of those three talents?

Children, I encourage you to forgive your parents for their wrongdoings, even if they were done with good intentions. Your parents are not perfect and may fall short at times. To make a better life for you, your parents may have left you in the care of a family member, but you were physically abused, please forgive them, and begin to heal the relationship. Mothers even if your child is young and you have been harsh and mean towards them, please let them know you are sorry, and seek to discipline them in Love rather than anger. Treat these little ones in the same way you wish to be treated.

In the word of a famous preacher, “parents you are training your children to be someone’s nightmare or someone’s joy”... ....You decide.

Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master. Ephesians 6:4 MSG