I Stopped Going To Church!

During a conversation with a fellow manager years ago, he mentioned he was a Christian at one point in time, but he left the church a few months after divorcing his wife. Despite their divorce, they both continued attending the church, however, during those times he felt invisible. According to him, it appeared as if the church gave all the support to his ex-wife, even though they both played an equal part in the breakdown of their marriage. The people he once worshiped with no longer spoke with him. He felt alone and decided to stop going. How could people change so quickly?  

We never spoke about why they got divorced - that wasn’t my business - but as we sat there, I felt sorrowful because I had displayed the same behaviour toward someone thirty odd years prior. I treated an individual poorly because of personal information that was disclosed to me. I remember saying to my husband, how could this person do such a thing and show up to church - and even take part in the service? That’s when my husband replied, you don’t know if they asked God to forgive them, and if He did, what does it have to do with you? God doesn’t need your permission to forgive any one. God does not need my permission to forgive anyone. Wow, that was a sharp rebuke and I immediately felt embarrassed. How could I be so arrogant? I had no right making such accusations, besides, God is the one who offers forgiveness, not me. 

Years after that incident, I sought out to connect with an old friend and thankfully, we got in touch. The day we met, we chatted about life and reminisced on our school and church days. She mentioned the time she decided to visit her previous church one Sunday, which resulted in a negative, life changing experience. As she walked in the church, some of the congregants started looking at her as if she was in the wrong place. She felt the piercing of their eyes as they glared sharply. I am not setting foot back in that church, she mentioned. I’ll send my son, but as for me, that’s it! My heart grieved. What if she keeps that promise and never goes back? What if she never gets to experience the joy of fellowshipping with believers?

Unfortunately, those two scenarios are not unique. There are many others who’ve experienced church hurt - a hurt that causes them to forsake the place that is meant to bring wholeness. A hurt that causes them to turn away from the people that are meant to embrace you. This is certainly an area in my life I have to guard, as I am guilty of criticizing people unfairly in church. I am guilty of holding people’s actions above their head and condemning them. I am certainly guilty of causing church hurt. I once asked a young lady what her first impression of me was, and she said, I thought you were very stuck up! You never associated with me and only hung out with a certain group of people. I stopped her and said, I asked you to name one thing. We both laughed, but thankfully she mentioned I no longer act like that - I have changed. Thank God! Thank God I am no longer the overly critical and judgmental person I used to be. God is continually sanctifying and transforming my heart. Now I associate with those I once looked down on, knowing they just want to be loved unconditionally. 

 In Be Diligent: Mark Serving Others as You Walk with the Master Servant by  Warren W. Wiersbe, he discusses the disputes between the disciples. “The way believers treat others in the family of God is a serious thing, and God wants us to have peace one with another.  The disciples did not get along with each other, nor did they get along with other believers.” I thought this was a problem unique to the disciples; however I discovered it’s still the same with us today. After reading that segment, I reminisced on an incident that happened years ago. My husband and I were attending a particular church, when one day, he mentioned he'd like to start attending a different church. I was reluctant at first, but after he explained his reasoning, I finally gave in to his request. A couple years later, we attended a convention and I ran into our former pastor in the lobby. He looked at me, I smiled, and to my surprise, he turned his head and walked away. No greeting. No hello. No question. I could not believe it! Did I just see what I think I saw? I felt ashamed and embarrassed, knowing the person who was shepherding me just looked at me and walked away. What causes us to treat others poorly? Do we think we are better than others? Do we think the sins of others exceed our own? Why do we treat folks differently if they decide to change where they attend church? Shouldn’t we be happy they are still serving God and advancing His kingdom? Shouldn’t we be thankful they are still part of the Body of Christ and His Church? Let’s not forget, there is One church. One Body. One faith and One Kingdom. We are all One in Christ despite where we choose to go on a Sunday morning. 

   Fellow Christians, let us guard our hearts against legalistic attitudes and condemnatory behaviours that will create discord between our brothers and sisters in Christ. We are called to love one another unconditionally. We are called to come alongside and encourage those who may be weaker in the faith - not criticize them. If we are aware that our actions, words or behaviours created discord and caused people to leave the church or the faith, let’s repent and reconcile. Seek them out and make amends.

  Looking back on who I was, the life I lived and where Jesus brought me from,   I am reminded that without God’s love, forgiveness and grace - I am nothing. As a result, my desire is to treat everyone the same way I am treated by God. I want to lavish others with love, mercy and grace. Does that mean I would not rebuke and correct them in love? Absolutely not, as we are called to encourage each other in the faith; however, it does mean that I will not hold their sin above their head and condemn them. In the words of Mark Lowry, “God spreads His grace on us the way a baby spreads peanut butter - He gets it all over the place.” Let’s do the same. Let’s purpose in our heart not to let another person walk out from our church because of our insulting behaviour. Instead, let us demonstrate Christ to all. The world has enough burdens and offences of its own, let’s not allow people to experience the same thing in our churches.

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. 

Philippians 2:5