I Once Hated Her!

As I sat down for breakfast this morning, I overheard Dr. Charles Stanley’s radio teaching on anger and forgiveness. Although I was slightly distracted, I tuned in enough to hear the essence of his message, and later searched it online to hear the entire podcast. The beginning of his message really caught my attention, as he spoke about the time a lady introduced herself and decided to share her story. She walked up to Dr. Stanley while in the restaurant, and said, ''Do you see that lady sitting at the table with me? I once hated her, and wanted nothing to do with her. Then one night my husband and I were listening to your message on forgiveness, and at the end of your message, both my husband and I surrendered our hearts to the Lord Jesus Christ. God began to work in my heart, and this lady I once hated, is now my best friend!” I was so intrigued by the message, I had to re-listen. I’d been thinking about the power and freedom of forgiveness; about the many relationships that had been destroyed because so many chose to withhold forgiveness rather than offer it. I was quickly reminded of a saying I heard a few years earlier, “harbouring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die.”

I remember feeling so convicted because I knew what withholding forgiveness was doing to me - it was making me sick. Yes, it was making me physically sick. Sometimes within a year, I caught the flu three times. I never thought about what caused my frequent sickness, until oneThanksgiving night, I shared with my family how I seldom get sick anymore. I vividly remember my cousin asking, “what changed in your life?” I didn’t respond right away, then he asked again, “Deb, what changed in your life?” I thought for a bit, then mentioned how I pleaded with God, asking Him to help me because I was tired of being sick. I was convicted of all the unforgiveness I was harbouring, and I gradually healed as I began forgiving those who hurt me. One morning as I spent time in the word and prayer, I was convicted of my pride, as I thought it wasn’t up to me to approach anyone - it was their duty to come to me. What erroneous and prideful thinking! Thank God my mindset has changed.

Fastforwarding years later, our church embarked on a transformative 21 days prayer and fast. During that time, I asked the Lord to search deep within and reveal anything that needed to be confessed and corrected. During the fast, we were instructed to use the Lord’s Prayer as a guide:

Our Father in heaven,hallowed be your name,

your kingdom come, your will be done,

on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread.

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.

Nothing came to mind as I prayed, so I thought all was well - I was totally wrong! While attending a funeral a few days later, the Holy Spirit laid upon my heart to ask a relative for forgiveness as she came to greet me. He showed me that my attitude toward her wasn’t Christlike. To give you a back story, this relative was new to Canada and my husband and I thought she’d be great to care for our son; however, after observing her, I was concerned by some of her choices, and lack of involvement. I mentioned it to my husband, and we decided to let her go. I remember her crying, and asking for a second chance once we broke the news - but unfortunately, my mind was made up. I saw her about six times after the incident, but God chose a funeral function 23 years later to have me speak with her. As I pondered on what the Lord was asking me to do, I tried to figure out how to approach the situation - or how to escape it. I stood there reflecting on how I didn't try to get to know her. I displayed a negative attitude toward her because I didn't think she was capable of caring for my son. This was someone who asked for a second chance to prove herself, but I refused. Twenty- three years later, there I was having to face her.

I tried to locate her as I stood at the grave site, and lo and behold, she came and stood right next to me (God really has a sense of humour). I turned towards her, took her hand and walked away from the crowd. I asked for her forgiveness for the way things ended between us, and I apologised for my actions and attitude toward all those years ago. She looked at me and thanked me. I have forgiven you, she said, and I was so relieved to hear those words. My relative showed me the meaning of letting go of offences and offering forgiveness. For the duration of the funeral, we sat together and spent time sharing our lives. I felt like this was the beginning of a new, and healthy friendship. As we drove home that evening, I shared the exchange with my husband, and I could tell he was very pleased with me!

Why did it take me twenty- three years to make things right? Because I thought it was too late to make things right. Why ask for forgiveness after so long? I learned it’s never too late to reconcile with a loved one, co-worker or ex-friend. I encourage you to let go of all bitterness and anger, and ask the Holy Spirit to help you show the same mercy that was freely given to us by our Father. Unfortunately, there are people worshipping together, yet carrying unforgiveness towards others; husbands and wives sleeping in the same bed, yet harbouring bitterness and anger toward each other; neighbours who live within 2 metres of one another, yet refusing to exchange any words. My friends, this ought not to be!

Therefore, I encourage you to stop drinking the poison of unforgiveness. It will only cause you to decay on the inside, and in the end, the only person that will die is you. If there was anyone who came to mind while reading this post, I encourage you to seek them out and reconcile. Ask for forgiveness if you were offended, and offer it to those who offended you. Most of us know the freedom we experienced when doing a detox or ingesting a laxative; where we once felt uncomfortable, we felt a sense of freedom. Well, that’s what letting go of unforgiveness feels like - you feel lighter, much lighter. I desire that we all may experience the lightness of life that comes when we forgive.

You don’t heal in order to forgive. You forgive in order to heal. - Neil Anderson