He's Made In His Image...

I dedicate this post to my father and husband.

A few weeks ago, my sister sent me a video in preparation for our monthly session. Initially, when I saw the speaker and the title Father Unaware, I didn’t want to view the video, but I finally warmed up to the idea, and watched it a few days later. Let’s just say, I was quite intrigued with what I heard.

I was encouraged by the speaker’s discussion of the potential impact, influence and injury fathers can have on their children. Since the word impact denotes having a strong effect on someone or something, what effect do fathers have on their children? How are they affecting them when they give or withhold love and affection? What about their influence on their children? Is it positive, or negative? I remember having a conversation with one of my cousins, and he said to me, “if grandpa was still alive he would be very proud of me.” I never met my grandfather, but those who knew him said he loved his bottle of alcohol and the ladies. Well, that was the life my cousin was living - that’s the influence my grandfather had on him. That’s the influence he’d thought would make my grandfather proud. Unfortunately, some fathers don’t consider how their negative impact and influence can subsequently lead to their child(ren)’s injury - whether emotional, mental, physical or spiritual. Some fathers fail to consider that their sons may become just like them, and their daughters may pursue men just like them.

I’m certain we’re all familiar with the saying that women often marry men just like or similar to their father. Well, I didn’t believe this saying until I got married, and quickly observed the striking similarities between my father and husband. I wasted many years trying to change my husband’s parenting because he didn’t measure up to my standard - I thought my parenting practices were the best way. I failed to accept him for who he was, and didn’t understand he was parenting our children with the rearing practices he observed in his father. I didn’t take the time to understand him, or what caused him to parent like he did. Just like my father, my husband too was created in his father’s image.

I started thinking of my father, and wondered whether his temperament, lifestyle and parenting practices were the result of his interactions with and observations of his own father. Is my father this way because of his father? Did my dad struggle with emotionally connecting with us as children because his father also struggled? As a child, I often wished I had an honest and transparent relationship with my dad. There were occasions when I wanted to speak with him, but I never mustered up the courage to share what was on my mind. It seemed like my father just didn’t know how to connect with us, but tried his best in other areas. He’d take us out for ice cream on Sunday evenings, or for spontaneous family picnics. He’d wake early in the morning to head out to work, and even endured the cruel treatment of customers just to provide for us.

It was difficult for my mother to understand why my father didn’t play an active role in our home, but now I do. Now I understand that, “whatever is not transformed will be transferred.” What his father passed on to him, is what he displayed. Unfortunately, some fathers aren’t equipped with the necessary skills to effectively parent their children. Thankfully, there is always hope. God has provided us as helpmates and other godly men to come alongside our husbands to help them be the fathers God has designed them to be. Once I started supporting my husband in his role instead of belittling him, I started seeing his wisdom and brilliance as he led, disciplined and demonstrated love to our children.

Therefore, I take this time to say Thank You to my father and my husband for trying your best with what you were given. I’m sorry for not seeing your efforts as good enough. Instead of showing appreciation for your strengths, I complained about your weaknesses. You both are alike in so many ways and strive to work hard to provide for your families. You both look for ways to connect with your family in the best way you know how. I’ve now realised you’re both products of the decisions made by your own fathers.

On this Father’s Day, I’m encouraging you to refrain from nitpicking all the faults in your father and husband. Begin showing appreciation, by thanking them for their diligence, sacrifices and efforts to protect and provide for your family. Our support definitely goes a long way.

So God created human beings in his own image.

In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

Genesis 1:27