Hair Blowing In The Wind!!

One of the things I deeply longed for was to get my driver’s licence. I always admired those women in the movies as they drove their cars with the roof down, and had their hair blowing in the wind. They had the ability to go wherever they wanted, when they wanted. They were free, and I loved that.

Once I got married, that goal was promoted to the top of my to-do list. I was filled with so much excitement as I envisioned myself like the women in the movies - driving in my convertible with the top down, and my hair blowing in the wind. I couldn’t wait to start driving, but there was one thing - I hated exams. My childhood and adolescent experiences left me with an aversion toward any kind of testing. Whenever I heard the word exam, I could feel my stomach tightening up as I became numb. My hatred toward exams didn’t end there, but I also developed a fear of failure. I saw failure as devastating. I saw it as the end of the world. It was difficult to approach my family or friends whenever I failed, and I often became overwhelmed with frustration and shame. So when it came to getting my licence, I began stalling as much as possible.

After months of working through that hurdle, I came to realize failure is a part of life, and I had nothing to fear. For years, I had allowed that monster to control me, but not anymore. I was ready to take down that Goliath! The time came when I finally decided to write the exam, but at that time, my motive for wanting my driver’s licence became sinful. I became prideful, and began telling myself I didn’t need my husband or anyone to take me where I wanted to go. I was tired of being dependent. I was tired of being a burden. I was tired of asking him to take me places and his response would be, “I’m really tired”. Well, I was going to show him I didn’t need anyone. I was going to show him I could get around without him because I am a strong, independent woman! Talk about having the wrong motive.

The day came when I decided to write the exam. I didn’t mention anything to my husband, because I wanted to surprise him, or maybe I just wanted to prove my “strong and independent woman” shenanigan. As I walked to the bank, I heard a gentle whisper saying, your motive is wrong, don’t get your licence. Don’t get my license? This was the moment I was waiting for my entire life! It was my time to have my top down with my hair blowing in the wind! Although I completely dismissed it and proceeded to the bus stop, the nagging thought didn’t go away. Debbie, your motive is wrong, don’t get your licence. Once again, I totally ignored His voice. I was getting that license!

The bus finally came, and I went on board. As I sat there, the nagging thought would not subside. I decided to do what I often did when I needed some clarity, I asked for a sign. I said to myself, God, if it’s you who keeps whispering I shouldn’t get my license, then let the bus stop at the next bus stop. '' Yes, I decided to put out fleece before God, but guess what, the bus came to a stop, and no one got off nor on the bus. The bus driver even opened the door for about fifteen seconds, then closed it and drove off. I sat there in awe. Did God just give me a clear sign? Even though that sign was clear as day, I still chose to disobey. I had one thing on my mind, and that was to get to that examination centre. I got to the exam centre, wrote the exam and failed. Yes, failed! How could this be? I studied for weeks, and knew the material like the back of my hand. How could I fail? At that moment, fear gripped my heart, but then I remembered, no one knew I was going there, which meant no one knew I failed. There was no need to mention it to anyone, and that’s exactly what I did.

After getting my act together six years later, I decided to rewrite the exam - but this time it was different. This time, I felt the Spirit urging me to write it, which I did, and I passed. I believe I passed, because this time, my heart and motives were in the right place. This time my mind was clear. This time, I had obeyed God. I realized God had opposed me because of my pride. I surprised my husband with the news of my success, and he was so happy; happy to the point he paid for my driving classes! After enrolling for my full driving course, I completed 20 hours in class, 10 hours on the road, then it was time to book my road test. The day before the exam, my husband took me on the road for some final practice lessons. I felt comfortable and confident that I would pass. I was one step closer to having my top down, with my hair blowing in the wind. Well, I guess my confidence wasn’t enough, because I failed my road test that day. Although I was disappointed, I remember saying to my husband, it was okay, because now I knew what to expect the next time. I felt a bit embarrassed, however, because when the instructor dropped me off, my neighbour was outside and asked, “so, did you pass?” In which, I replied sarcastically.

A few years later, we moved to our new home about 45 minutes from the city. Prior to moving, I was overwhelmed with anxiety, because without my driver’s licence, how would I get around if my husband was unavailable, or out of town? How would I attend meetings or go to work? How would I live? Then one day, our daughter brought home a flyer from school, and ironically, the back of the flyer had an advertisement which read, “Did you fail your driver’s licence? We can help.” I was in complete shock and amazement - this must be a sign! Despite my amazement, I placed the flyer with the rest of the papers and completely forgot about it.

About a month or two later, the Lord brought back the flyer to my mind, and nudged me to go get my licence. I figured if He was nudging me to get it, then I would certainly pass. I became excited - excited to the point I asked God if He was going to give me a car, but there was no response. I remember retrieving the flyer and calling the number on it, and to my surprise, the driving instructor lived a couple streets away. This was definitely not a coincidence. It was time to get down to business! Unknown to my husband, I enrolled in four lessons with a driving instructor, and restarted my journey to freedom. Thankfully, my instructor was extremely calm and patient with me, and during that time, I developed a very good relationship with her. She asked me which areas I had failed, and when I disclosed them to her, she focused on those areas within my lessons.

Some time later, my husband called stating one of his nieces knew someone who was selling a car, and he was thinking of purchasing it. Well, at that point, he still didn’t know I was taking driving lessons, and didn’t even know I had booked my driving test! This all seemed to be working out for my good! Was this the moment I’ve been waiting years for? Was I about to get my first car? I got a bit ahead of myself, but after getting off the phone with my husband, I asked the Lord again, “are you getting me this car?” But there was no reply.

The day finally came! I arrived at the testing center, committed my exam to the Lord, and went out and gave it my best. I did it! I passed! I was so excited, not just for myself, but for my husband! I knew it was his dream for me to drive, and now he had someone to help him drive our family around. I was overcome with joy, and when I got home, I placed my temporary licence in an envelope addressed to him. When he arrived home that evening, I waited as he opened the envelope that was addressed to him. Seeing the look on his face was priceless. He lifted both hands up, and said, God, for the last seventeen years I’ve been driving my wife, thank you, now she can drive me! Yes, now I could drive him. It was such a good feeling.

Rewinding to the week before I took my road test, I went with my husband to see the car, and fortunately, the owner allowed him to test drive it. While he was driving, I was asking silently, God, is this my car? But He was silent. God knew something my husband and I didn’t know, and I knew something my husband didn’t know, which was, I was about to get my licence, and he was about to purchase my first car. So four days after getting my licence, I accompanied my husband with our kids to pick up my first car! I’ll be honest with you, I never saw that coming. It happened so quickly and timely. In the words of my sister, Look At Jesus. He stepped in and provided me with a car, but not until he changed my heart.

Fastforwarding to my husband’s discovery of my license that evening, he said to me, “wait a minute, all along, it was you I was getting the car for!” You see, it really pays to wait on the Lord. Had I gone out and done things on my own, I would have missed out on God’s blessing. Over the course of time, I learned God opposed me on many occasions when I had my own agenda and when I was filled with pride. We shouldn’t think God would bless us in a proud state, and when our motives are evil, trust me, He will stop us.

My husband often says to me, he still doesn't know how he paid for the car. Well in one word, it was GOD. The bible tells us in Matthew 6:33: “But seek first his kingdom) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” When we wait on the Lord, “these things” will be given to us as we walk in obedience to God and trust Him. It was an honour for me to finally drive our kids to school events or church meetings when my husband couldn’t. I finally got my “top down, hair blowing in the wind” moment, and it felt great!

Instead of working against God, we ought to work with Him and trust His plan for our lives, because when we sabotage what He’s planned for us, we never win. If you are to take away anything from my story, let it be that God opposes a prideful heart, and we shouldn’t think He’ll bless us with a sinful attitude. Many of us are missing out on God’s best, simply because of our PRIDE.