For My Daughters

This post is dedicated to my two, beautiful daughters. Thank you for letting me share your stories.

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I’ll never forget the day I overheard my co-worker asking her daughter if she’d be coming home that night. Coming home? I was curious as to what this ordeal was about. Wanting in on the action, I asked if her daughter was away. “No, she’s at her boyfriend’s house,” she replied. She’s at her boyfriend’s house, and you are asking if she’s coming home? Although tempted, I didn’t say what was on my mind, since her family affairs were none of my business. As I walked out of the office, I couldn’t help but think, why would she allow her teenage daughter to sleep over at her boyfriend’s home? What on earth was she thinking?

My husband and I have three, adult children: the first and second being our daughters, and the last, our son. As early as I can remember, we started discussing the beauty of marriage, and why abstaining from sexual activites until marriage was important - just how God intended. When our eldest daughter turned sixteen, we went to our family doctor for her annual check up. As we sat in the office, our doctor said I no longer had to accompany my daughter anymore, and anything my daughter says to her, stays with her - she wouldn’t be obligated to tell me anything - no matter what. She continued by stating if my daughter wanted to be on birth control pills, she’d prescribe them without my consent or knowledge. Pardon me? My momma-radar started going off. I entered attack mode! She said that to the wrong mother. I said, my husband and I have taught our daughters the importance of abstinence until marriage. “What if all of her friends are having sex, and she feels presurred to have sex? At least she’d be protected by the pill,” she replied. How dare she! Didn’t I just explain that we teach abstinence? Was she trying to make me look like the bad guy in front of my daughter? I wasn’t going to allow any of it. I pulled out the classic, “if her friends are jumping over a bridge, should she jump too?” Well, that certainly struck the wrong chord. Her facial expressions began to change, and it became evident she was shocked at my outburst - I was too. Did I really just attack her like that?

Up until that point, I had never disrespected nor felt the urge to confront her, or go against her advice - but this time was different. This time, she was interfering with my daughter. This time, she was going against my obligation to train my child up in the fear of the Lord, and not by society’s standards. This time, I had to speak up. Then it hit me. I quickly realized how easy it was for someone to undermine all the godly principles my husband and I were instilling in our children. What took years to cultivate, could be shattered in seconds, with only a few words. What a frightening, yet eye-opening occurrence. When I got home that afternoon, I mentioned the occurrence to my husband, and we decided to mention it during our family time. We reiterated the importance of abstinence, and encouraged our daughters to obey what God’s words teaches - that sex outside of marriage is sin..period. We reminded them that the world’s ways do not lead to the blessings of God, and one day, they will have the opportunity to enjoy God’s gift of sex in marriage. I thank God for those opportunities we had to encourage our daughters to live lives of purity.

Years later, I received a call from our daughter who was away at university. During our conversation, she mentioned she was having sexual desires. I asked if she was having these desires for someone specifically, but she assured me it was just a desire she was battling. I remember telling her it was natural to have those desires; however, she must not allow them to control her. I was so grateful we had such an open relationship where she could come to me and openly share her struggles, rather than going to someone else. At the end of our conversation, I prayed for her, asking God to not allow those desires overpower her and cause her to sin - I thank God they didn’t. Looking back, I realized the seed my husband and I planted had taken root, and she was not going to be led away from that truth. I wanted to protect my daughters from making the same mistakes I did, and wished I had the same open relationship with my mother growing up. Well, I can’t change my past relationship with my mom, but I can certainly change the course of my future relationships with my daughters.

Some years later - while listening to a radio broadcast - I heard the story of two, Christian mothers who had a great relationship; however, one of them thought the other was too strict with her daughter, and thought the girl should be given more freedom. As the story goes, she invited her friend’s daughter to spend the weekend, and that Friday night, she allowed the two girls to go to a bar. During the course of the night, the other mother called to check up on her daughter, and was told they went to the corner store for ice-cream. To make matters worse, when the girls got home that night, they were encouraged to lie and say, “we went out for ice-cream,” if the mother called back. I couldn’t believe my ears. How could she? Why did this mother think it was her responsibility to dictate how her friend should raise her daughter? How could she be so self-centered and inconsiderate?

Unfortunately, this story showcases the reality for many “Christian” mothers. There are those who don’t take their role seriously, and merely want to be their daughter's companion, rather than an authority figure. They don’t want to offend their daughters through correction, and often overlook sinful, or potentially destructive behaviour. Contrastly, there are those who’ve taken their God-given roles and responsibilities very seriously. They understand the importance of training their children, and instilling godly values in them. They understand the importance of modelling godly behaviour. Are you willing to be a godly example, not only to your daughter(s), but to any young lady you encounter throughout life? As women, we are called to be examples to younger women - including our daughters- by our conduct, speech, attire, attitude and demeanor. Can we truly say, “follow me as I follow Christ?”

Let’s take the advice Paul gave to Titus, and strive to be godly mentors. I’ll never forget the day I heard the phrase, “the daughter you are parenting today, will either be a man’s joy or nightmare.” Although true, thank God the latter part of this phrase doesn't have to be a reality. We have the power to positively nurture our daughters, and help raise them into the women God desires. Our daughters don’t need us to buy them more stuff, they need us. Mothers, do me a favor, go into your daughter’s room, look into her closet, and ask yourself, does she really need more stuff? The best gift you can give our daughters this Christmas is you.

Let’s fight for our daughters.