Don't Panic

Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow,

but only empties today of its strength.

• C.H Spurgeon

I remember it like it was yesterday…

I went to bed earlier than usual that night. I suddenly awoke a few hours later, only to discover my daughter was still not home. Now, I knew she was taking a class and the instructor had a habit of going overtime, but this was late - too late for my liking. Feeling uneasy, I decided to call her, but no response. After a couple of minutes, she called back stating the class was still in session and she’d call once it ended. Exhale. I felt my body relax. I was so relieved to hear her voice, knowing she was fine. I sat there waiting for her call, but after an hour and a half, nothing. That’s odd. I decided to call, but again, no response. That uneasiness started creeping up again. I called again and again and again, but still no response. By this time, it was about 11:30 pm.

As I sat on the couch, I began to panic. What’s happening? Where is she? Why isn’t she answering? Is she okay? I could feel my heart racing. I ran upstairs and shook my sleeping husband who was oblivious to what was occurring. How could he be sleeping at a time like this? He suddenly awoke - dazed and delirious - and by his expression, he certainly wasn’t pleased. It was roughly 12:30am, and I quickly explained the situation to my still dazed husband. He assured me everything was okay, and the instructor was probably covering as many topics as possible for the upcoming exam. Despite my husband’s calm nature and assuring words, I was still concerned about my daughter - I wanted her home.

Shortly after our conversation, there was a jingle in the lock and the front door swung open - there she was, visibly annoyed. Maybe upset. Actually no, she was angry. As she walked in, I felt a wave of relief rush through my body, but instead of being greeted with gratitude - as I expected - I was greeted with sass. She proceeded to express how annoying it was to keep receiving calls during class, and explained her phone is set to shut off at a certain time, which causes it to go straight to voicemail. Well, my relief quickly changed to irritation and I became defensive. Annoying? There I was concerned for her well being, and she thought it was annoying? I proceeded to plead my case, but she didn’t see my point. Instead, she went on explaining her concern for my mental health, since I became so anxious to the point of a panic attack. My mental health? I wasn’t having any of it. This had nothing to do with anxiety or mental health - I was simply a concerned mother. No matter how much I tried to justify my actions, it didn’t work, and off to bed she went. My husband stood there, still nursing his headache from being suddenly awakened, and mediating the situation. He turned to me and said, “let’s go to bed, we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

I asked my daughter to share her perspective of that night. This is her story…

“That night was difficult. I was attending a life insurance training, in hopes it would help me achieve my financial goals. Upon arrival, the instructor gave us strict warning that cell phones were not permitted, and we placed them in a basket in the reception area.

During the middle of class, I received a call from my mom which appeared on my Apple Watch. Out of respect for the instructor’s orders, I let the phone ring out and attempted to message her from my watch, which was extremely difficult. A couple minutes later, she called twice more. At this point, I decided to leave the class to pick up the phone. I was quickly bombarded by a series of questions. Are you in class? What time is it finishing? Why haven’t you been answering my calls? Slightly annoyed, I informed her that I’d message once the class was done.

My class ended two hours later than expected. This must’ve been a concern to my mom as she kept calling and messaging. In one text, she even stated that she’d call the police! Well, that was such a trigger. Why is she doing all of this? Why does she get so anxious and think the worst? Why does she attempt to project her anxiety on me? Those were the questions that ran through my mind. My mom had no idea how damaging her anxiety was to me. On the drive home I was annoyed, frustrated and did not want to talk about the situation.

When I got home after 1am, both my parents were up. My mom and I argued back and forth, while my dad tried to mediate the situation. She kept justifying her actions, trying to prove her innocence in the situation, but I was too heated to hear what either of them had to say, and went to bed. The following day, I told my mom she has anxiety and should seek professional help. Although I was aware it would be hard for her to accept, I believed it needed to be said. I didn’t think she understood the severity of it and how it was slowly affecting her, and her relationships. At first she was reluctant and refuted what I had to say, but after a day or two, she approached me and we had a great discussion. She said to me that she wanted professional help, and I was so ecstatic. Finally she was getting the help she needed!

She followed through with her sessions with the psychotherapist and completed whatever assessments needed to be done. Presently my mom is doing sooooo much better! It is helping my mental health as well since she is not as anxious. Even if her anxiety would arise, she is able to react in a healthy manner by using positive coping strategies and the appropriate resources. From then on, my mom continues to work on her mental health and I support her to the best of my abilities.”

After that night, I realised my actions were not healthy, and I needed to speak with someone. I wasn’t handling the death of my grandma, mom and brother in a healthy manner, and it was negatively affecting my mental health. Out of fear of losing my daughter, I panicked that night. I had already lost so much, and I became anxious of potentially losing her. I’m grateful God led me to a Christian psychotherapist, who understood my situation, and counselled me through a biblical framework. Seeking the help I needed not only healed my relationship with my daughter, but my entire family.

Although I’m not fully there, thankfully I’m much better than before. I remember that there were times I’d frantically call my husband several times until I got him, but now if I don’t get him, I’ll wait until he calls back. I’m so thankful to have him in my life, as he does whatever he can to help me in this area. I know many people experience anxiety, and don’t have the support, but I’m grateful for my family, who are supportive of me and extremely patient.

To those struggling with anxiety, or any mental health ailment - you are not alone. You don’t have to suffer in silence. You can seek help, and speak with trusted spiritual leaders. Reach out to your spiritual leaders, your family doctor, or a professional, but please don’t suffer by yourself. We are all in this together.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4: 6-7

Resources

Anxious for Nothing by Craig Grosechel

Winning the war in your mind by Craig Grosechel

Get out of my head by Jennie Allen