Did I Offended You 2

As I thought of the story of Joseph and his brothers, I was continually baffled at the treatment Joseph received from his own blood relatives. As brothers of the same father, what could cause them to treat him in such a horrible way? Was it because of his dreams? Were they jealous of his relationship with their father? Were they envious because of his colourful coat? All these questions bombarded my mind. Why can’t family members rejoice when others are rejoicing from good news or experiences? Why we allow jealousy, envy or bitterness to ruin our relationship?  

In Joseph's case, I believe jealousy and pride within the hearts of his brothers drove them to commit such an evil act towards him. They couldn’t accept the plausible reality that they could become servants of their younger brother. Are you envious of your loved one’s success that you can’t stand to see them thrive? Do you find it difficult to rejoice with others when they receive good news or have pleasurable experiences? If we’re honest, many of us are in the same boat as Joseph’s brothers. I was in the same boat. There were times where my unbridled anger turned into resentment, which was demonstrated in hurtful actions and words directed at those I love. This post isn’t just an encouragement to you, but also a reminder to me to guard our hearts and be quick to confess and cast negative emotions that can lead us to act in ways that can hurt others. If you think your jealousy, anger or bitterness are mere trivial emotions, hopefully this story of Mitch Lapa will provide insight on the danger of unbridled emotions. 

I heard on the news that a man shot his sister, her husband and three of their children. My first question was why? What could drive someone to do such an awful thing to their own relative? To anyone? As I read the news, I received more insight regarding the backstory of this tragedy. Firstly, The suspect was identified as Mitch Lapa. It was stated that their father passed away last year, and Mitch was allegedly left out of their father’s will, while his sister and her family were given a big settlement from her father’s passing. It is hypothesized his lack of inheritance from his father’s passing drove him in rage, causing him to shoot his sister’s family and take his own life. Now before you judge Mitch and label him a wicked man, let’s examine our own hearts. We may not take a gun and shoot with the intent to kill our loved ones, but inwardly we kill them with our thoughts, attitudes and evil intentions that lead to hurtful words and offensive behaviour. Trust me, I’ve been there. I’ve experienced how being offended by someone's action led me to build up resentment towards them. I wanted nothing to do with that individual. My thoughts towards that person were not pure, and whenever I saw them, I could feel my stomach turning inside me. It wasn’t until I confessed my anger and asked God to change my heart that I started seeing my relationship change with the individual. Although I haven’t seen this person in a while, we’ve thankfully spoken on the phone. Evidence of a changed heart! I share this because it took me intentionally searching my heart and asking God to help me forgive this person. It took some vulnerability and soul-searching. When’s the last time you prayerfully and intentionally searched your heart?

A great way to deal with offences is by examining ourselves. I encourage you to take some time to thoughtfully and truthfully answer the following questions:

• Are you bitter because you were overlooked for a promotion at your job, while a seemingly undeserving employee received it?

• Are you  jealous because your friend has a bigger and nicer house and drives a more expensive car than you?

• Do your siblings seem to have a wonderful marriage, while you and your spouse just can’t seem to get it together and as a result, you despise visiting them?

• Does it appear like God is blessing your friends, while he seems to have forgotten you?

• Has your significant other cheated on you, and you’re consumed with anger, and hoping to seek revenge?

• Has someone hurt you with their words and/or actions, and you just can’t seem to forgive them, reconcile and move on?

• Have you discovered that your spouse has been dishonest with you, and you just can’t seem to offer them forgiveness?

• While you were growing up, did your parents treat you harshly, that now as an adult, you are still carrying the hurt and anger?

• Are you envious of the relationships your loved ones have with others, while you can’t seem to be able to connect?

• Have you ever felt your parents demonstrated more love and affection toward your siblings, and you still haven’t forgiven them?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, I encourage you to take a closer look into those areas and seek to release those negative feelings, because if left untamed, they can lead to destructive behaviour. I know this topic might be uncomfortable for some to read, but God desires us to handle offences in a godly manner, in a manner that honours and brings glory to His name.  Going back to Genesis 45:1-15,  although Joseph was offended time after time, he remained calm and faithful to God throughout it all, and in the end, God was honoured by how he dealt with his offenders. 

Joseph could stand it no longer. There were many people in the room, and he said to his attendants, “Out, all of you!” So he was alone with his brothers when he told them who he was. Then he broke down and wept. He wept so loudly the Egyptians could hear him, and word of it quickly carried to Pharaoh’s palace. “I am Joseph!” he said to his brothers. “Is my father still alive?” But his brothers were speechless! They were stunned to realize that Joseph was standing there in front of them. “Please, come closer,” he said to them. So they came closer. And he said again, “I am Joseph, your brother, whom you sold into slavery in Egypt. But don’t be upset, and don’t be angry with yourselves for selling me to this place. It was God who sent me here ahead of you to preserve your lives. This famine that has ravaged the land for two years will last five more years, and there will be neither plowing nor harvesting. God has sent me ahead of you to keep you and your families alive and to preserve many survivors. So it was God who sent me here, not you! And he is the one who made me an adviser to Pharaoh—the manager of his entire palace and the governor of all Egypt. “Now hurry back to my father and tell him, ‘This is what your son Joseph says: God has made me master over all the land of Egypt. So come down to me immediately! You can live in the region of Goshen, where you can be near me with all your children and grandchildren, your flocks and herds, and everything you own. I will take care of you there, for there are still five years of famine ahead of us. Otherwise you, your household, and all your animals will starve.’” Then Joseph added, “Look! You can see for yourselves, and so can my brother Benjamin, that I really am Joseph! Go tell my father of my honored position here in Egypt. Describe for him everything you have seen, and then bring my father here quickly.” Weeping with joy, he embraced Benjamin, and Benjamin did the same. Then Joseph kissed each of his brothers and wept over them, and after that they began talking freely with him.

What an amazing story of forgiveness and reconciliation! A story that is only possible when we die to our flesh and choose to walk by the Spirit which leads us into all truth and righteousness.  Joseph’s story shows us we have the choice to still glorify God with our actions in the midst of offences.  Joseph chose to repay evil with good. Joseph chose to use his circumstance as a means to reflect God’s mercy. That was Joseph’s situation, but what about us? Do we harbour those same feelings of envy, resentment or bitterness towards the ones we love; causing us to act in offensive ways? The truth is, our behaviour is only a symptom of what's really going on in our hearts. If we notice we are acting in offensive ways, we should take a moment to do some soul-searching in order to discover the root cause of our actions. Is our offensive behaviour due to resentment, unforgiveness, unfulfilled expectations? Let us adopt the practice of the Psalmist and ask God to search our hearts and reveal any sin in our hearts that first dishonours Him and also offends our brothers and sisters. 

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

     test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,

     and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Psalm 139: 23-24 NLT