Did I Offend You?

I was conversing with my sister a few days ago, and she started sharing some things the Holy Spirit convicted her of while in prayer and fast. In mid conversation, she used a word that caused the rest of our conversation to be a blur, as I couldn't get the word out of my mind. The word was offended. After ending our conversation, I grabbed my tablet and searched the meaning of the word offense. You’re probably wondering why I’m so intrigued with this word, let me tell you why...

A few days prior to speaking with my sister, I was asking God why so many relationships between spouses, siblings, and parent-children tend to have constant fights that often result in broken relationships. I thought about my relationships with my siblings, husband, children and friends. I wondered how things could be going great, then someone may intentionally or unintentionally say or do something which can potentially lead to a breakdown within the relationship. In order to ease my curiosity, I google searched, how to deal with offenses, and to my amazement, three sermons popped up. One sermon in particular caught my eyes - The Prison of Offense by Steven Furtick. Although I’m not a frequent listener of this preacher, at that moment I felt compelled to listen to his message, which I did.

After listening to his message, which was based on Matthew 5:21-26, I prayed and asked God to forgive me for carrying offenses, and for offending others. I knew at that moment, God was up to something, something transformative! The following day, that word was still on my mind, then I remembered our Pastor did a study on offenses a few years ago, but I couldn’t remember the title of the book he referenced during his teaching. I thought the title was Dealing with Offense, so I looked through my books, but couldn’t find one with such a title. Suddenly the title, The Bait of Satan came to mind, which was the correct book that was used during that study several years ago. Fortunately, I still had the book, and when I pulled it out, I realized I had started reading, but never completed it. Now was the time.

The Lord impressed on my heart to read it chapter by chapter, with a notepad and pen, and listen to what He’ll be saying to me throughout those chapters. So I did. The first thing we must realize is offenses will come. They are inevitable. Everyone of us at some point in time will be offended or will offend someone. The real question is, how will we react when we encounter those offences? Before I get ahead of myself - because some of you might be thinking “I’m not offended, or I have never offended anyone” - the word offense is defined as a violation or breaking of a social or moral rule, an act of offending or displeasing, the feeling of resentful displeasure caused. Are you guilty of any of these?

As I read the introduction of the book, this phrase stood out to me, “one of [the devil’s] most deceptive and insidious kinds of bait is something every Christian has encountered - offenses.” When we are offended, and if it’s not dealt with properly, offences can fester into sinful habits like hatred, bitterness, resentment, and in some cases murder. Yes, murder! Let’s stop and ponder for a moment, have any of your relationships ended because of an offense done by or to you? Let me tell you, I’ve had my share of being offended and offending others in my lifetime; however, as I read the book, one thing that stood out to me was my high perceptions of people. They were way too high! I had set some of these people too high in my life, and realized such a place should only be reserved for the Lord. In the first chapter, the writer mentioned that many individuals are unable to function effectively in their calling because of wounds and hurts offenses have caused in their lives - they are handicapped and hindered from fulfilling their full potential. Wow, how this is true! It’s very difficult to be fulfilled in Christ, and live a fulfilled life if you are full of these negative sinful behaviors. It seems nearly impossible!

As I continued reading, I began to discover some of the signs and symptoms of an offended person, which included but are not limited to: unforgiveness, strife, bitterness, anger, envy and hatred. I soon realized that I displayed some of these symptoms in years past. As someone who’s been there, let me tell you this, anyone living this kind of life is in spiritual darkness. We cannot claim to be walking in the light, yet harbour unforgiveness and hatred in our hearts. Light and darkness cannot coexist. If we continually live in a state of offense, it’s only a matter of time until it starts to negatively impact our relationships and destroys the sweet fellowship Christ desires us to have with him and others.

Just before I started writing this post, I was speaking with an old friend that I’ve known for many years. During our conversation, she disclosed that she no longer speaks to her brother because she’s offended by his actions. As she disclosed the incident to me, I encouraged her to seek out and mend her relationship with her brother and try to rectify their relationship. Friends, at the end of the day, it is not worth destroying our relationships with loved ones over trivial or even serious matters. The same way we may let the hurtful words of a stranger or coworker “slip off our back”, let us be quick to drop offences, rather than giving them an environment to grow into bitterness or unforgiveness.

Referring back to the video sermon, Pastor Furtick stated, “one of the devil’s major schemes is to drive wedges between family members, that will cause division”. The enemy’s goal is to divide, as division is contrary to the unity that Christ desires as his church. Some churches split because of offenses, businesses are dissolved and partnerships destroyed because someone was offended, or even some marriages end in bitter divorce all because of unresolved offenses. You might be wondering what caused this, well, it’s a three letter word, sin. Negative emotions such as jealousy, anger, slander, resentment, gossip, ill-spoken words and bitterness can lead to offences or are often the result of being offended. Unfortunately, we think such emotions make us feel better about the offense, when in actuality, they only cause the wound to get deeper. Do you want to continue hurting not only your relationships with others, but also yourself? My answer is a resounding, no!

I took a break from writing and went for a walk. As I was walking, I began to think about the relationships between people in love. I think about the vacations they enjoyed, the home they built together, the family parties they hosted, and how all of this changed drastically because of a subtle offense. My friends, your relationship does not have to end with bitter hatred or unresolved issues. Don’t allow pride to keep you from letting your loved ones know they’ve hurt you, or humbly asking for forgiveness if you have offended them.

The bible provides several accounts where someone was either offended or offended others, and fortunately we can learn from their experiences. In the fourth chapter of Genesis, Cain was offended because God accepted Abel’s offering over his. As a result, he took his brother out in the field and murdered him. Keep in mind, this is his blood brother. Additionally, in Genesis thirty-seven, Joseph shared his dream with his brothers, which caused them to get jealous and eventually plot to kill him. As God’s sovereignty would have it, they didn’t kill him, but sold him for twenty shekels of silver. Today, that twenty shekels of silver will be worth two hundred dollars in US currency. Keep in mind these are his blood brothers! Subtle and unresolved offenses led to jealousy, hatred, and eventually murder. We may not physically murder our loved ones, but we can “murder” them with our hurtful words, actions or attitudes that are a result of our sinful reactions to offenses.

I’m sharing this with you, in hopes of helping you become aware of the devil's schemes, and to mend your relationships with others. As followers of Christ, we are to display Christ’s example of not rendering evil for evil, but blessing those who persecute us. First Peter chapter two gives us a beautiful illustration of Christ’s decision to show mercy to those who offended him, although he had every right to retaliate against their wicked actions. Christ walked in humility, knowing that his disposition of love was a greater weapon than any hurtful word or action he could’ve spewed at his adversaries. Let love be our weapon, and let God be our defender!

“When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.”

1 Peter 2:23

I will end with this question. If you have been mistreated, do you have the right to be offended?” Feel free to share your answers in the comments section. I look forward to reading your posts!

References:

Video kink to Pastor Furtick’s sermon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwXqcOMw0ng

Book - The Bait of Satan by John Bevere