Deb,Don't Cry For Me!

This post is dedicated to my beloved friend who passed away on July 29th.

I’ll miss you dearly.

It was around March 2019 when she started getting sick. I remember receiving a call, asking if I could come over to pray with her, and after sharing it with our Pastor, he recommended a few others to accompany me. That night, a few ladies from our church, along with my husband and I went to her home to pray. I was encouraged to see that although she was still feeling sick, she was hopeful. Within the next few weeks, she had numerous doctor’s appointments, check-ins and follow ups, but was eventually admitted to the hospital as her condition worsened. My small group and I visited her to pray, encourage and sing her favourite worship songs as one of the brothers played along on his guitar. There she was, laying on the hospital bed with both her hands in the air, praising God. I was so encouraged by her spirit, as I gazed upon her laying there with a heart full of joy. We all wanted to see her get better. We all wanted to see her get out of the hospital bed.

To give you a bit of history; we both attended the same church, however, we didn’t have much of a relationship - just the occasional hello, or how are you? most of the time. Our friendship blossomed when her daughter migrated to Canada over 25 years ago, and I immediately fell in love with her and claimed her as my own daughter. From then on, the battle started between us. If we were standing together and her daughter passed by, I’d say, “oh look at my lovely daughter,” to which she’d reply, “Deb, you know she’s mine, right?” As time went on, our friendship grew. We’d assist each other on assignments, share personal struggles, ask for and give advice and pray for one another. As we both began to open up to each other, our bond became stronger. I saw a positive difference in her after the birth of her grandchildren. She was happy, joyful and filled with excitement, and even encouraged her grandkids to refer to my husband and I as Grandpa Roy and Grandma Debbie. That was the kind of person she was, not selfish at all.

So when she became sick, it struck me hard. As a church, we petitioned God to heal her and my mom, who was also sick at the time. I cried out to God, “please have mercy on my mom and my friend. Please heal them.” However, my mom died on July 23rd 2019. I remember saying, “God that’s ok, I’ll take one out of two.” That may sound heartless, but I was thinking of her daughter losing her mom at such a young age. I was thinking about all the life she still had ahead of her. I was thinking about not wanting to lose two people in such a short time frame. Thankfully, she was discharged from the hospital after a few months and returned home where she belonged. We began visiting again, and resumed our singing, praying and encouragement. We were hopeful she’d get better. We were hopeful she’d live. In September of 2020, we held a surprise birthday party outside her home to celebrate her life, and her progress, but that would be the last time I saw her, because later that year I received a call from her daughter stating her mom was back in the hospital. I became slightly frustrated. When will this end? When will she be completely healed? We prayed, we had faith, but she just wasn’t getting better. I just couldn’t understand.

While she was hospitalized, my brother’s health was also deteriorating. I frequently prayed for both of them, and one day, felt led to read Ezekiel 37:14, “I will put my Spirit in you, and you will live again and return home to your own land. Then you will know that I, the Lord, have spoken, and I have done what I said. Yes, the Lord has spoken!” God are you saying that you’ll heal her? I became overjoyed, and convinced myself this was God’s way of saying she’d be totally healed and discharged from the hospital. I would finally get my friend back.

Sadly, my hope didn’t become a reality. The night before she died, I dreamt of attending a wedding with some people from our church. As I entered, I saw my friend and her husband walking toward me. Although I had a few dreams about her before, this one was different. In the dream, she was wearing a long, flowy dress made of rhinestones. As she walked to me she said, “Deb, the doctors said they can’t help me anymore, but look at me now.” I leaned over to hug her, and she whispered in my ear, “Deb, don’t cry for me.” As we released each other, she walked through the crowd. I tried to show her to my husband, but she disappeared. She was gone. When I awoke that morning, I was filled with hope, thinking this was another sign she’d get better, but I was unaware that she’d died a few hours earlier. Startled by this strange dream, I whispered a prayer for her, then called her husband to share my dream. After relaying my dream to him, in a gentle, tender voice he whispered that she died last night. She died? I was in complete shock and disbelief. What about the scripture verse? What about the dream? What about all our prayers for the past two years? How could she be gone? I immediately called my husband to let him know, followed by a series of attempts to get in touch with her daughter. My heart ached. I could only imagine the pain she was enduring knowing she no longer had her mother with her. I sat for a moment, thinking this couldn’t be happening. Is she really gone? I called her husband back just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. It wasn’t a dream, she was gone. I had the radio playing in the background, and the song Home by Chris Tomlin came on. Even though I heard this song numerous times before, that morning, I was drawn to listen to the lyrics:

This world is not what it was meant to be

All this pain, all this suffering

There's a better place waiting for me

In Heaven

Every tear will be wiped away

Every sorrow and sin erased

We'll dance on seas of amazing grace

In Heaven

In Heaven

I'm goin' home

Where the streets are golden

Every chain is broken

Oh, I wanna go

Oh, I wanna go

Home

Where every fear is gone

I'm in your open arms

Where I belong

Home

At the end of this song, I figured this was the message I needed to hear. I closed my eyes and pictured her for a moment, in the arms of her loving Saviour. Although it seemed like God didn’t answer our prayers and numerous pleas, I’m reminded that He is sovereign and He is good.

Rest in peace my dear sis, you are now where you belong - home.