Dearest Brother

I decided to take a break from my regular posting in order to honor my brother, the late Crispin Anthony Boney, who went home to be with the Lord on Sunday March 14th 2021.

I’ve always seen my brother as ‘the creme of the crop’ among our siblings. As a child, he was very respectful to our parents, humble, friendly and had a great sense of humor. Whenever he was disciplined - which was not often, since he was such a model child - he took it gracefully and humbly. Growing up, my siblings and I teased him about being our mother’s favorite child; however, after the death of our grandmother, he told us he didn’t like being seen as “mom’s favorite”. So on that day, we put an end to the saying. Crispin was also very educated, worked diligently at whatever he put his hands to and did it with joy. He wasn’t involved in gossip, but used his words to uplift others, rejoiced in others’ success, and as a teenager, he put his faith in Christ, and lived for him until he breathed his last breath. Although Crispin had all of these wonderful qualities, he didn’t flaunt it, nor display a prideful attitude. I truly admired his humility.

My brother was very selfless; continually putting the needs of others before his own. Whether it was waking up at 4:00am in the morning to drop me off at the bus station or driving my family to the airport, I could always count on him, and I know my other siblings can attest to that as well. Crispin was also blessed with wonderful jobs, jobs he didn’t take for granted. Shortly after getting married to his lovely wife in 2002, they both left Grenada, and travelled to Bermuda and subsequently to The Cayman Islands, where he had the privilege of working for the government. However, his dream job was to work for the United Nations in New York City, and in 2012, together with his wife and two children, he migrated to New York where he worked his dream job until his last days. I admired Crispin humility. Although he had a high profile job, he never bragged about it, but saw it as a blessing. As siblings, we praised him for his humility, and calm, slow-to-anger demeanor. He was the type of person to deal with things and move on.

One thing I learned from my church leaders is the importance of letting loved ones know how we feel about them. So following the death of our grandmother, I took the time to let him know what he meant to me, and I was very touched by his response. He addressed how close we were growing up; however, once he started travelling to different countries for school, our relationship had changed. While he was studying in New Mexico, I left Grenada, but fortunately, in 1987 he came to Canada to spend Christmas with us and I was overjoyed when he took part in my wedding as a groomsman two years later. I’ve also had so many funny moments with Crispin. In 1984, he left for six months to study in Jamaica. When he left, he was weighing about 105 pounds, but on his return, he was weighing about 150 pounds. I remember him telling us the lady he lived with cooked with lots of fat, and told him she would fatten him. Well, she certainly kept her word!

Over the past four years, our relationship deepened. We often messaged each other for check ups and encouragements, and when I started blogging two years ago, he encouraged me to keep writing, no matter the topic. He never criticized or condemned me, as that was another strength he had, making others feel good about themselves and their accomplishments. Once I found out his health was failing, I became very involved in his fight against his sickness. I began to call and text more often, and as siblings, we set up days where we fasted and prayed for him. I checked in with him more often than usual, just to see how he was doing. I wanted to be present. One day, I asked the Lord how I should pray for him, and I heard the words, “I am the Lord that Sustains.” From that time on, I encouraged him with those words. God is your sustainer, He will sustain you through this.

It was very difficult seeing my brother sick and fighting for his life, as he was someone who was healthy, strong and outgoing. I was devastated when he became weak to the point where he could hardly text or speak with us for a long period; however, any time I got with him, no matter how short, I reassured him we were praying for him daily, and that we were all in this fight together. I was continually amazed and encouraged whenever I’d ask how he’s doing, and his response would be, “I am healed”. That was his confession. You might be saying, but he died, yes he did; however, God chooses to heal us in ways we may never understand. I believe he was healed.

At the beginning of March, I encouraged my siblings to use the month as a time to worship God on behalf of our brother. So everytime we met, it was worship. On those nights and mornings, we spent time worshiping and thanking God for Crispin’s life, and one of our sisters spent every day with him, leading him through a time of praise and worship. On Saturday March 13th, the day before his death, my sister in law logged on to the early morning prayer, so he can listen, and I vividly remember saying to him, over and over, “It is well with your soul.” I didn’t know why, but I felt that was the message I needed to give him at that time. That same Saturday night, my sister was over at his house, having a time of praise and worship with him and his wife. To what I was told, they had a wonderful time, and our brother tried to lift both hands and worship God. Despite his condition, he still knew that God was good. I was encouraged. Later that night my sister called, she put her phone on speaker so I could speak with him, and because he was so weak, he whispered, “hi sis,” to which I responded, “hi bro, hang in there, we are in this for the long haul.” Little did I know, that was the last time I’d hear his voice. Little did I know those would be the last words I’d ever say to him.

That night, I went to sleep thinking about him. Just before 1:00 am, I awoke and couldn’t fall back to sleep, so I decided to get out of bed to pray for him. During my prayer, I was just praying for his heart, Lord please strengthen his heart. God please help my brother. As I continued praying, my own heart started racing. God, is this a sign that you’re healing his heart?. As I knelt praying, I got brutally honest with God. I told him I didn’t want to be selfish. I heard of many children who lost their parents due to the virus and other illnesses, and although I didn’t want that to be the case for my niece and nephew, I was not going to impede my will on God, instead, I asked for God’s will to be done. Shortly after my heart stopped racing, I prayed again, “God, let your will be done in my brother’s life.” At 4:45am I went back to sleep.

That morning when I awoke, I came down to the kitchen, and did my usual routine of turning on the radio. As a song was playing, I was worshiping and thanking God that one of these days, I would see Him, and be with him in heaven. Right after, I heard a gentle whisper asking, “then why don’t you want Crispin to come?” I dismissed that thought so quickly. Why didn’t I want Crispin to go home to be with the Lord?

Shortly after I sat down for Sunday service, I texted my sister asking her how Crispin was doing, because my sister in law usually kept her updated. I told her I was up at 1:00am praying for him, to which she texted back saying she went to bed at 1:00am because she couldn’t sleep, and was up praying for him. She mentioned she was heading over to his home, because he seemed to be in a deep sleep. I was a bit concerned, and told her to call me once she got there.

As the service when on, the moderator played the song, Bless the Lord, and for some reason, I became very attentive to the verse which says:

And on that day

When my strength is failing

The end draws near

And my time has come

Still my soul will

Sing Your praise unending

Ten thousand years

And then forevermore

Forevermore.

At the end of the song, I heard a voice whisper, Crispin is gone. I whispered a prayer saying, God, if this is you telling me Crispin is gone, I accept it; however, if this is a lie from the enemy to make me fearful and distract my mind during service, God I don't want him to. Shortly after praying, my son nudged me to let me know my phone was ringing. As I looked down it was my sister calling, I thought she was letting me know my brother awoke from his deep sleep, and he was doing well, but instead, I heard the words, “God chose to take him.” Those words hit me like a freight train. What, he’s gone? My brother is gone?

I ran upstairs, crying uncontrollably. The pain was too much to bear. I was in disbelief. My brother is gone?! As I was crying, I heard a voice whisper, “Debbie, Crispin is with me.” Although it brought a sense of peace, the feeling of emptiness still remained. I couldn’t believe he was gone. Six days after his passing, one of my daughters sent me a verse from Psalms 119:92 which says, If your instructions hadn’t sustained me with joy, I would have died in my misery. I quickly forwarded it to my sister, telling her this was Crispin’s response to us. God truly sustained him.

This was one of the hardest blogs I’ve ever written, as I never imagined having to write a death tribute to one of my siblings. The pain of losing a brother is deep; a pain that seems will never go away. Brother, as we get ready to lay your body in the ground, we are not placing a period at the end of this chapter, but a comma because, The Best Is Yet To Come. You will be deeply missed.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died.

We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God.

First, the believers who have died will rise from their graves. Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. So encourage each other with these words.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18