Daddy's Little Girl

Happy 2021! Wow, we made it through 2020. Although it was a very challenging year, thankfully, God brought us through.

As I sat thinking about the current new year, I was reminded of the many resolutions we make and break by the time February comes around. One of the more common resolutions includes, connecting or reconnecting with loved ones who we haven’t spoken to in months, or even years. There are some who intend on reconnecting, but the remembrance of past offences might cause some to put reconciliation on hold. Dear friends, don’t let this year pass without starting the journey of reconciliation.

In Luke 15:11-32, Jesus gave the parable of a father and his young son, who one day asked for the share of his inheritance. Leaving his father, he traveled to a distant land - squandering all the wealth his father gave to him. Once all of his money was spent on wild living, he ended up getting a job feeding pigs. After contemplating his life choices, he realized the life he was currently living could be better if he returned to his father and sought his forgiveness - so he decided to return home. While he was far off, his father saw him. Running out to meet him, he threw his arms around him, put a robe on him, and placed a ring on his finger along with shoes on his feet. This was a beautiful picture of grace, forgiveness and reconciliation - a beautiful illustration of God’s grace and love for us as our Heavenly Father.

You might be thinking this parable makes reconciling look so easy, but it’s not always so simple. Although I don’t know your situation, let me give you some insight into my relationship with my father. As a child growing up, I always knew my father to be a hard working man. He worked hard to feed and clothe us, but with such a work ethic came the downside of minimal connection between us as father and daughter. My dad was a Salesman by profession, and travelled around the island selling to different store owners. For the most part, the customers were very polite to him, and I never heard him raise his voice or utter curse words against them. One day, I had the opportunity to go to work with my dad. I had something on my mind to talk to him about, but I was scared. While driving back home that day, we passed a man carrying a possum, and my dad stopped the van with the intention of purchasing the furry creature. Meanwhile, in the van I was convincing myself to inform my dad of what happened when he returned, but when he got back into the van I just couldn’t muster up the courage to tell him. Why? I came to the conclusion that I couldn’t trust my dad to keep it a secret. I didn’t trust him because I knew he would eventually mention it to my mother. I didn’t trust him because I didn’t see him as a good father. Little did I know, my distrust toward my dad would eventually have a negative impact on my ability to trust God as my Heavenly Father. I felt distant from my dad. I craved his affirmation, affection and attention. I craved his love. Although my father never abused me physically, verbally or sexually, something was missing - an emotional connection.

During my teenage years, I deeply desired to hear words of affirmations from my dad. You are beautiful. You are Smart. You are Loved. I wanted to know how he viewed me as his daughter. I wanted my dad to hug me, and embrace me as his beloved daughter, to ask me how I was doing. I wanted him to be my biggest cheerleader, to tell me I was doing well. I wanted him to be proud of me, but I was left guessing. I was left feeling unnoticed, unwanted and unloved. In order to fill the void of fatherly affirmation, I looked to other male figures, hoping they would satisfy that longing, but they didn’t. They couldn’t. Instead of being affirmed, I was left feeling hurt, disappointed and betrayed. Thankfully, that wasn’t the end.

My relationship with my father began to change the day I called him to ask for forgiveness. As a child, my father would ask me to do menial tasks for him and promise to pay me - but he never did. As a result, I would steal money from his pocket as revenge for his broken promises. Funny thing is, he always saw me whenever I did it. Remembering my past pettiness drove me to call my dad that day and ask for his forgiveness. I was scared. What will he say? How will he react? What would he think of me? As much as I fought the feeling to remain silent, I knew asking for forgiveness was a step in the right direction. A step toward reconciliation. I called my father and confessed to him what I had done. On the other end of the line, I heard a response I’ll never forget. He said, “Debbie, I’m happy you are asking me to forgive you, because I remember it as if it happened yesterday. I saw what you did, but I want you to know, this is not who you are today, you are different.“ Those words were like ancient herbs to my aching bones. I felt loved. I felt cherished. I felt seen. I’m so grateful I didn’t allow pride to deter me from taking that step to reconcile with my father. Most importantly, I’m glad he didn’t hold my past sins against me. He forgave me.

Sadly, there are many people who are struggling to connect with God as their Heavenly Father because they have a poor relationship with their earthly father. I recently read an excerpt from Stormie Omartian’s book, Praying to Know God as a Heavenly Father in which she stated,

“I never had a dad who abused me, and for that I am very grateful. Yet my dad never rescued me from my abusive mother, and he was the only one with the power and authority to do so. Because of that experience, I subconsciously felt God would not help me either.”

In another chapter, she mentioned the story of a woman who stated, “Don’t talk to me about God being a father. My father forced me to have sex with him until I left home, and now I’m unable to have a normal relationship with any man at all.”

Another shared, “My father beat me every time he came home drunk, and now I hate him. How can I think of God as a father?”

These are excerpts from several women who shared their distrust, and even hatred of God because of their earthly fathers. These women represent many of you reading this right now. These women represent me. It was very difficult for me to see God as my Heavenly Father, because I couldn’t bear the sight of my earthly one. There were times I was hesitant to ask God to meet my needs, because whenever I asked my dad for money growing up, I was constantly met with the words “I don’t have.” Was God just as stingy? I also couldn’t fully trust God’s words, because I had issues trusting the words of my earthly father. I projected my earthly father’s flaws, sins and shortcomings on God, and that left me with a misunderstanding of His true nature; His kind, nurturing and good will toward His children.

I encourage you to get to know your father, if you have the opportunity. Sit with him, tell him your heart, your hurts, your fears. Ask for forgiveness and be willing to extend it as well. If you don’t have the opportunity to make things right with your earthly father, I encourage you to ask your Heavenly Father to give you an understanding of who He is, one that is not tainted by the sin of your earthly father. One that is not tainted by your resentment, unforgiveness or pride. Your Heavenly Father desires a relationship with you. He has revealed himself to you, giving you the opportunity to get to know Him. Ask God to help you see Him for who He truly is. Ask God to help you see him as good.

Today, I am so blessed to have a great relationship with my dad. I see him trying his best to build a relationship with us as his children. I told him a few years ago, in the words of Dr. Charles Stanely, “it’s not how you start, but it's how you end.” And from what I’m seeing, dad, you are finishing well. Although I am grown, married and have my own children, I feel like my daddy’s little girl whenever I receive text messages with the same signature at the bottom,

Dad. Love to you.