A Woman of Wise Words

One day, I found myself wrestling with how to bring up a situation with my husband. My heart was heavy, and though I wanted to express my feelings, I also longed to do it with grace. As I kept replaying the conversation in my mind, a gentle whisper interrupted my thoughts, “Remember, it was Eve whom the enemy tempted first.”

I froze momentarily, suddenly aware that this could be a potential scheme of the devil. Is this a setup by the enemy? I pondered for a bit, but then realized that his devious plan was to stir up strife between my husband and me; to provoke an outburst that would damage our peace. In retrospect, I realize how badly things could’ve ended if I communicated my thoughts that day. Instead, I chose to remain silent - for the moment. I didn’t say anything at that time, and sometimes, that’s the wisest thing to do.

I deeply wished I knew how to hold my tongue in the early years of my marriage. I often believed my approach - what I said and how I said it—was the right one, but ninety-eight percent of the time, my words often exacerbated the situation instead of diffusing it. 

Even as a child, I often found myself in trouble because of what I said. One of my sisters continuously teased me with an old Grenadian saying, “Mouth open and words jump out.” Meaning, I often spoke quickly without carefully choosing my words. At the time, I thought it was mere impulsivity, but as I look back, I can see it was more than that. I grew up surrounded by my mom and other women who often spoke to the men in their lives with little respect. Their words were sharp and dismissive, with little thought for how deeply they might wound a man’s heart. Without realizing it, that environment left a lasting imprint on me.

So when the Lord brought that thought to me about Eve—that she was the one the enemy tempted first—it was an extreme eye-opener. It helped me understand that I needed to be on guard, not just in my actions, but in my words and attitude - that my words hold the power to bring life or death. I uttered a simple yet sincere prayer: “God, please change me as a wife, because I really don’t like some of the things I’m doing.”

Shortly after, I asked the Lord, “Is there a scripture You want me to meditate on?”  and He led me to 1 Timothy 3:11: “In the same way, their wives must be respected and must not slander others. They must exercise self-control and be faithful in everything they do.”

Ouch! As Ellen Skrmetti once said, “That verse hit me like a ton of bricks.”

I came to understand that I must see my husband as God does—worthy of respect, kindness, and self control. My words should reflect love and not criticism. I needed to guard my tongue by speaking in ways that uplift rather than belittle him, and honor him instead of making him feel “less than.” In this, I realized, I could reflect Christ’s heart for marriage which is to build one another up in love and unity.

Bit by bit, God was gently correcting my heart and reshaping my role—not just as a wife, but as a woman after His heart.

I’m deeply grateful to God for leading me not into temptation that day and delivering me from evil. He kept me from sinning and potentially saving us from a major blowup. That moment of restraint truly became a turning point for me as it stirred a desire to become a woman who is wise with her words. I began to look more closely at some of the women in the Bible and how they treated the men in their lives. I wanted to discover the outcome of their choices—whether good or bad.

This is what I found. 

Eve — Before God created Eve, He gave Adam a clear command: not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Yet when the serpent came, he didn’t go to Adam—he went to Eve. He convinced her to eat the forbidden fruit, and she, in turn, gave it to her husband. And he ate. (Genesis 3)

As I reflected on Eve, I found myself asking a sobering question: Have I ever done something wrong and pulled my husband into it, knowingly or unknowingly? Have I ever led him down a path that God never intended for us to walk?

This reflection challenged me to think about the influence I carry as a wife—not to manipulate or control my husband, but to build, support, and point us both toward obedience and godly wisdom.

Sarah — God had a personal conversation with Abraham, telling him he would have a son in his old age (Genesis 15). But as time passed and nothing seemed to be happening, Sarah grew impatient. She thought God was taking too long to fulfill His promise, so she came up with her own plan.

Rather than waiting on God, Sarah approached her husband, overruled what God had spoken and suggested an alternative solution: “Go and sleep with my servant.” And Abraham did. (Genesis 16)

I used to wonder why she would even make such a suggestion, but I remembered the times when I was willing to step outside of God’s will in order to receive what I thought was best. I realized how important it is for us as wives to be cautious about what we say—especially when offering advice to our husbands. If they’re in a vulnerable place or not standing firm in their convictions, they might just go along with it. We must never counsel them to walk outside of God’s will in order to gratify our selfish desires that are often rooted in doubt, fear or impatience. 

The irony in Sarah’s story is heartbreaking, as the very child she urged Abraham to have ended up being the source of conflict. Eventually, she demanded that Abraham send Hagar and Ishmael away. Though it grieved him deeply, he did as she asked (Genesis 21).

I once heard a preacher say, “A wife must be careful what she says to her husband when he’s vulnerable—because he might just do it.” That truth stuck with me. 

Sarah’s story is a strong reminder: even our “brilliant ideas” must be filtered through faith and obedience, not fear or impatience.

Delilah — Samson met Delilah and fell in love with her, but her heart was never truly with him. The rulers of the Philistines offered her a massive bribe—eleven hundred shekels of silver from each of them (equivalent to about $128,000 today)—if she could lure Samson into revealing the secret of his great strength.

Night after night, she pestered him until he finally gave in and revealed that his strength lay in his uncut hair. As soon as she got what she wanted, she turned him over to his enemies. They shaved off the seven braids of his hair, gouged out his eyes, and imprisoned him. (Judges 16)

Heartbreaking. Delilah had no love for Samson—only a love for money. Sadly, his vulnerability cost him everything.

This story reminded me of the many powerful men today who unfortunately fell from grace due to the manipulation or seduction of a woman. It raised a sobering question: have I ever manipulated my husband in order to satisfy my fleshly, sinful desires? 

Delilah’s manipulation was a stark reminder to examine my own heart. I need to consciously rely on the Holy Spirit to keep me from using my influence selfishly, and instead, teach me to love with honesty, humility, and grace.

Potiphar’s Wife — We often hear the term “cougar” to describe older women pursuing younger men, but that idea is far from new. Potiphar’s wife, a married woman, tried to seduce young Joseph. The Bible tells us he was a handsome young man, and though we don’t know her exact age, she clearly saw him as desirable.

When Joseph rejected her repeated advances, she turned spiteful. Out of revenge, she falsely accused him of rape, leading to his imprisonment for a crime he never committed. (Genesis 39). Her actions weren’t just immoral—they were destructive and Joseph suffered greatly for doing the right thing.  

This was a reminder that when we leave our desires unchecked, they can lead to sin and destruction. As women, we must recognize when our hearts are wandering and immediately bring our thoughts under the Spirit’s control.

These are just a few women in the bible who demonstrate how a woman’s influence—when misused—can deeply wound the men in their lives. On the other hand, there are also instances of women using their influence to glorify God and support the men in their lives. 

Abigail: When Abigail  learned that David was on his way to destroy her husband and their household—because Nabal had foolishly refused to share food with David’s men—she didn’t tell her husband what she was about to do. Instead, she quickly took matters into her own hands. Abigail went out to meet David, bringing provisions and humbly interceding on behalf of Nabal and her people. She even said to David, “I accept all blame in this matter.” Because of her wisdom and courage, her household was spared, and David turned away from attacking them. Interestingly, not long after, Nabal died, and David took Abigail as his wife.

These accounts reminded me that a woman’s influence can either pull her husband away from God’s will or help guide him toward wisdom, faith, and obedience. Each example challenged me to examine how I use my words, actions, and counsel within my marriage. As I thought about this, it stirred a desire in me to be more intentional about the ways my husband and I grow together spiritually—one of those ways being the simple yet powerful practice of reading a book.

My husband and I began reading a book  together recently, and in one chapter, the author shared about a woman who visited a ladies group. She was stunned by the way some of the women spoke about their husbands—mocking, belittling, and disrespecting them openly. Unable to stay silent, she gently challenged them and said, “this is not the way to speak about your husbands.” Unfortunately, her stand wasn’t well received. She quickly became unpopular, and not long after, she was asked to lead a different group.

These stories—both biblical and modern—have opened my eyes to the power of a woman’s words, tone, and influence. Whether in marriage, dating, or even friendship, we must ask: Are we building up or tearing down? Are we helping or hurting the men in our lives?

I’m not saying I have it all together—but this is an area of my life that I am consciously dying to daily, with the help of the Holy Spirit. I’ve wasted too many years using hurtful words in conflict with my husband, simply because it was what I saw modeled in my home by the women who surrounded me.

I once said to one of my sisters, “God has blessed us with good husbands, but we just didn’t know how to treat them with the love and respect they deserve.” And now, our words and actions have brought about some of the unfortunate outcomes we’re living with today.

But here’s what gives me hope: with God, transformation is always possible. As the late Dr. Charles Stanley once said, “It’s not how you start, it’s how you end.”

So I encourage both you and I, let’s be mindful of what we say to and about our husbands, and about men in general as they are worthy of love, respect and kindness. Let’s not join the world in belittling, demeaning or humiliating them, but let’s recognize their worth and value, rally behind them and lift them up! With the Holy Spirit empowering us, we can speak life, build trust, and create a different legacy.

You may be wondering whether I spoke to my husband that day. I did not. Some matters are best left unspoken and entrusted to God’s hands. So that’s exactly what I did.